The author of this excerpt presents four facts. 1) the workers of Leeville take fewer sick tays—I assume on average—than workers of Masonton, 2) less stress-related illnesses are diagnosed in Leeville, compared to Masonton, 3) Leeville is a small town compared to Masanton, which is a large city and 4) the two cities are separated by 50 miles. The author attributes “health benefits of a the relatively relaced pace of life in Leeville” as the common cause to explain both fact 1 and 2.
While health benefits seem to be a perfectly reasonable explanation for both fact 1 and 2—healthy people don’t have to take days off, and also don’t suffer from stress-related illnesses (else they would not be healthy)—,it’s not forcibly a relaxed pace of life that’s at the cause of people are healthier in the small town of Leeville. Stress isn’t only caused by a high pace of life, but also by other factors such as critical financial situations and expectations in terms of career, both of which aren’t directly linked to pace. Large cities are often large centers of the economy, resulting in higher prices of livelihood. This can result in many people having financial problems, that people in a smaller town won’t have where overall prices are lower. Because large economical centers, it can also be expected that people with high expectations in terms of career will move there, many of which won’t live up to their own expectation, resulting in stress. To summarize: higher overall prizes and people with disappointing careers are two plausible alternative explanations that might explain why people in Mansonton are more stressed, which leads to more stress-related diagnoses and more sick days taken in said city.
Next, an alternative causal explanation for facts 1 and 2 are that people in the small town aren’t really healthier, but that they are simply less aware about stress-related—and possibly other—illnesses. I know that, for example, it is often thought that depression rates are increasing in many Western countries. But thorough scientific analysis revealed that it isn’t depression rates that are up, but that people and doctors are simply more aware of depression symptoms, leading to less depressions remaining undetected. Masonton government might have run a campaign in the past, to raise awareness about stress, encouraging people to take days off when suffering from depression, and to go see a doctor, a measure that the Leeville local government might not have taken.
Lastly, the two cities are separated by 50 miles, which is a large enough distance that air-quality could possibly be different in the two cities. I’m not sure if bad air-quality can cause stress-related illnesses, but if that’s the case, a comparatively worse air-quality in Masonton compared to Leeville could be an additional plausible alternative explanation for both fact 1 and 2.
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- Workers in the small town of Leeville take fewer sick days than workers in the large city of Masonton, 50 miles away. Moreover, relative to population size, the diagnosis of stress-related illness is proportionally much lower in Leeville than in Masonton. 66
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: The author attributes health benefits of a the relatively relaced pace of life in Leeville as the common cause to explain both fact 1 and 2.
Error: relaced Suggestion: related
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Let's analyze the structure of the statement and argue accordingly:
condition 1:
Workers in the small town of Leeville take fewer sick days than workers in the large city of Masonton, 50 miles away.
We may argue like:
1. maybe it is harder to take sick days in Leeville.
2. less aware of sickness //your argument 2
3. it is related to doctors too.
4. ...
condition 2:
Moreover, relative to population size, the diagnosis of stress-related illness is proportionally much lower in Leeville than in Masonton.
We may argue like:
1. maybe most people in Leeville are seniors or children;
2. maybe the diagnosis happens in a specific time, it is different in another time/date/season/year.
3. ...
conclusion:
According to the Leeville Chamber of Commerce, these facts can be attributed to the health benefits of the relatively relaxed pace of life in Leeville.
we may argue like:
relatively relaxed pace of life may not bring all health benefits, a lot of other reasons may do. //your argument 1, 3
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 484 350
No. of Characters: 2345 1500
No. of Different Words: 211 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.69 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.845 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.842 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 163 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 119 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 94 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 62 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 32.267 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.369 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.533 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.353 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.554 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.089 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 389, Rule ID: DT_DT[1]
Message: Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only 'a' or 'the' is left.
Suggestion: a; the
...hor attributes 'health benefits of a the relatively relaced pace of life in Leev...
^^^^^
Line 2, column 228, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , it&apos
...llnesses else they would not be healthy—,it's not forcibly a relaxed pace of life t...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 495, Rule ID: FEWER_LESS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'fewer'? The noun depressions is countable.
Suggestion: fewer
...ware of depression symptoms, leading to less depressions remaining undetected. Mason...
^^^^
Line 4, column 101, Rule ID: MAY_COULD_POSSIBLY[1]
Message: Use simply 'could'.
Suggestion: could
... large enough distance that air-quality could possibly be different in the two cities. I'...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, if, lastly, really, so, while, for example, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 22.0 19.6327345309 112% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 21.0 13.6137724551 154% => OK
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 63.0 55.5748502994 113% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 16.3942115768 43% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2487.0 2260.96107784 110% => OK
No of words: 469.0 441.139720559 106% => OK
Chars per words: 5.30277185501 5.12650576532 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.65364457471 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.23182564729 2.78398813304 116% => OK
Unique words: 229.0 204.123752495 112% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.488272921109 0.468620217663 104% => OK
syllable_count: 772.2 705.55239521 109% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 7.0 1.67365269461 418% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 31.0 22.8473053892 136% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 79.5953655826 57.8364921388 138% => OK
Chars per sentence: 165.8 119.503703932 139% => OK
Words per sentence: 31.2666666667 23.324526521 134% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.13333333333 5.70786347227 72% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 2.0 8.20758483034 24% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 6.88822355289 145% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.237800529354 0.218282227539 109% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0839020958147 0.0743258471296 113% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.119257781691 0.0701772020484 170% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.180196649723 0.128457276422 140% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.135792058805 0.0628817314937 216% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 19.2 14.3799401198 134% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 40.01 48.3550499002 83% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 15.4 12.197005988 126% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.05 12.5979740519 112% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.15 8.32208582834 110% => OK
difficult_words: 118.0 98.500998004 120% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 14.4 11.1389221557 129% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 11.9071856287 126% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.