Some people believe that children are given too much free time They feel that this time should be used to do more school work How do you think children should spend this time

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Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more school work. How do you think children should spend this time?

Submitted by banditdj on Sun, 08/18/2013 - 13:13

Education means all round development of an individual and not completed syllabus or the courses offered by various schools, colleges, and universities. Education must include some leisure time activities too to hone one’s skills in the fields other than academics. But utilizing this leisure time for studies or extracurricular activities have become a question of eternal debate.

Many people think that children are given too much leisure time which they should spend only to do more school work. But before jumping to this conclusion they forget one basic fact that children are human beings ...

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Comments

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 7.5 out of 9
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 355 350
No. of Characters: 1662 1500
No. of Different Words: 210 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.341 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.682 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.482 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 118 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 85 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 47 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 27 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.667 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 12.919 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.467 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.326 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.553 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.141 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5

Not sure if I would be able to score good in the real IELTS exam as I had shown the same passage to one of the instructors working at British Council. He rated my essay as average and gave me 5.5 bands. he told me that the passage went out of track and also that the vocabulary used was not that good. He also suggested me to work on forming innovative sentences.

I don't feel it is out of track. I found it to be well organized and we can see creativity in the essay.Once I showed my TOEFL essay to an american friend , which was rated 9.0 by testbig. She is a good student and she told me it is a good essay and I could do it better with improved vocabulary and grammar. Sometimes people judge it in their own way, which is not exactly the ETS way. I believe the score by testbig is acceptable if we are sticking to the rules of writing an essay and the time limit. Anyway, working on vocabulary will never go wasted and another suggetion.... Why don't you rate others essay? It'll help you to know where you are standing.GOOD LUCK!!

yup
...that examiner was correct becuz it was out of track as the example u hv given , is monotonous .moreover u were unable to explain the people perspective.i will rate it 6 from my experience as i hv scored 8 bands in ielts exam..

Hi
I think this essay is offtopic and you know that if at ielts exam you get off topic would not be able to get decent grade.
my writing at big-test was always 6.5 and at the final exam i got 6.5 for my writing.

I'm not sure how this should be rated (I'm also a newbie in writing essay). IMO:
1. your last sentence is too long. 1 sentence in 1 paragraph.
2. if you can point out 1 main idea per paragraph, then you know whether you're on track or off the topic.

After reading your essay I find a few improvements needed.
1. Your total length o essay needs to be between 250 and 285 words.
2. Each paragraph is supposed to be less than 45 words. Ideally 36-40 word para is easily readable.
3. Sentences should not be more than 15 words.
4. Your example was a bit lengthy. It was dragging your point making it needless.
5. The conclusion was a bit different from your points and was too long. Divide it into 3 sentences and you will find it easy to read.

My grade for you would have been 6.0