The following appeared in a memo from a budget planner for the city of Grandview.
"It is time for the city of Grandview to stop funding the Grandview Symphony Orchestra. It is true that the symphony struggled financially for many years, but last year private contributions to the symphony increased by 200 percent and attendance at the symphony's concerts-in-the-park series doubled. In addition, the symphony has just announced an increase in ticket prices for next year. For these reasons, we recommend that the city eliminate funding for the Grandview Symphony Orchestra from next year's budget. We predict that the symphony will flourish in the years to come even without funding from the city."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
The argument claims that the city of Grandview should stop funding Grandview Symphony orchestra as private contributions has increased in the last year and the attendance had doubled.It is also mentioned that the symphony is planning to increase its ticket price from next year.However,the argument is unconvincing as it is based on unwarranted assumptions.
It is mentioned that private contributions to the symphony has increased last year.However,does this increase vouch for further subsidy in later years also?.If not,than if funding from city is ceased,than the symphony might face deep financial trouble in successive years.Also,no evidence is provided about how much money were the private organizations giving to the symphony.If the amount was very less,than the 200 percent increase does not justify a prodigous subsidy.Hence without knowing whether the symphony is getting an equivalent amount of money or more from private organizations,the recommendation to stop funding the symphony is weakend.
Further,the increase in attendance in the symphony's park also does not substantiation the recommendation.What was the reason behind this increase?.Was it primarily due to the concert-in-the-park series?.If the attendance had increased only due to this series and not because people have started liking most of the series at the symphony,than growth in attendance is transitory and wont be the same in future too.Hence without knowing whether several other series have also aroused the interest of people,and therefore the attendance in future will also be in large numbers,no conclusion about whether the symphony needs or does not need any future financial help from the city.
Morever,the increase in ticket price planned from next year does not guarantee profit for the symphony.What if some other private symphony orchestra opens up in future which sells tickets at lower price and therefore the attendance at Grandview symphony declines?.Also what if after the concernt-in-the-park series,no other series are able to attract audience and therefore much lesser tickets are sold,destroying the symphony financially.Without giving foresight to such consequences,it would be imprudent to let the city stop funding the symphony compeletely.
In sum,the conclusion is based on insbustantial evidences and which highly undermine its validity and can provide contrary results than predicted.
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- TOEFL integrated writing: Chevalier de Seingalt 73
Sentence: If the amount was very less, than the 200 percent increase does not justify a prodigous subsidy.
Error: prodigous Suggestion: prodigious
Sentence: Hence without knowing whether the symphony is getting an equivalent amount of money or more from private organizations, the recommendation to stop funding the symphony is weakend.
Error: weakend Suggestion: weaken
Sentence: Without giving foresight to such consequences, it would be imprudent to let the city stop funding the symphony compeletely.
Error: compeletely Suggestion: completely
flaws:
Always put a space after punctuation marks. E-rater is sensitive.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 386 350
No. of Characters: 2001 1500
No. of Different Words: 178 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.432 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.184 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.824 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 151 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 123 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 82 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 52 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.316 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.228 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.632 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.36 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.557 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.088 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5