The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In this argument, the loan applicant claims that a jazz music club in Monroe, the C-Note would be profitable. To support this conclusion, the applicant points out that Monroe has no other jazz club. He also cites various other evidence that jazz is popular among Monroe residents. Scrutiny of this evidence, however, reveals that it lends little credible support to the claim.
First, the popularity of Monroe’s annual jazz festival and of its nightly jazz radio program also fails to justify his application. It is said that over 100,000 people attended the festival last summer, while we do not know it is consisted of how many local people and how many foreigners. Perhaps only 100 Monroe citizens joined such festival, which suggests a lack of interest among them in jazz music. Besides, the highest listening rate of jazz radio show may be due to its prime air-time. Even if the listeners are indeed fond of jazz music, the author provides no evidence that they would like to go out to hear live jazz. In fact, such program might pose competition for the C-Note, especially given that the program airs during the evening.
Nor does the mere fact that many well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe bolsters the assumption that jazz is extremely popular in the city. It is entirely possible that those musicians prefer Monroe to reside because of its pleasant weather or convenient public transportation. Or perhaps Monroe is a widely considered celebrity neighborhood like the Beverly Hills where gathers numerous stars, including jazz musicians. In short, without ruling out other possible reasons for this evidence, the author cannot convince me that jazz music is prevailing in Monroe.
Moreover, the nationwide study showing that the average jazz fan spends 1000 dollars each year on jazz entertainment is compelling only if it can apply equally to Monroe residents. Yet it might not be the case, since the economic condition of the city might be poorer compared to the nation, which prevents the jazz fans there to spend as much money as the study demonstrates. Thus, I remain suspicious about the argument until the author offer further information to substantiate his explanation.
Finally, even if Monroe citizens are fond of a jazz club, the author’s assurance of the lucrative prospect of it is baseless. Profit is a factor relating to not only revenue, but also cost. Maybe the cost of construction or other costs associated with decoration and promotion of a new jazz club will offset, even outweigh the revenue that it could yield. In addition, a myriad of other unexpected occurrences, such as unfavorable economic depression, might further prevent the proposed club from being as profitable as the applicant predicts.
In conclusion, the loan applicant’s argument is not persuasive. To bolster it, he must provide clear evidence that Monroe residents would patronize the C-Note and how the club can be profitable statistically. Such evidence might include the following: survey results showing that a significant number of Monroe residents would attend the club; economic feasibility analysis of setting up C-Note; and a future income prediction of it.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
argument 4 -- OK
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flaws:
also need to argue:
Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 516 350
No. of Characters: 2596 1500
No. of Different Words: 267 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.766 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.031 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.633 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 192 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 144 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 104 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 60 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.646 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.583 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.309 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.539 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.105 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 282, Rule ID: CLOSE_SCRUTINY[1]
Message: Use simply 'scrutiny'.
Suggestion: Scrutiny
...jazz is popular among Monroe residents. Close scrutiny of this evidence, however, reveals that...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 236, Rule ID: BEEN_PART_AGREEMENT[1]
Message: Consider using a past participle here: 'consisted'.
Suggestion: consisted
...last summer, while we do not know it is consist of how many local people and how many f...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 72, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...showing that the average jazz fan spends ,000 each year on jazz entertainment is c...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, besides, but, finally, first, however, if, may, moreover, so, thus, well, while, in addition, in conclusion, in fact, in short, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.6327345309 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 18.0 13.6137724551 132% => OK
Pronoun: 42.0 28.8173652695 146% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 58.0 55.5748502994 104% => OK
Nominalization: 23.0 16.3942115768 140% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2684.0 2260.96107784 119% => OK
No of words: 516.0 441.139720559 117% => OK
Chars per words: 5.2015503876 5.12650576532 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.76609204519 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.79568084379 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 281.0 204.123752495 138% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.544573643411 0.468620217663 116% => OK
syllable_count: 826.2 705.55239521 117% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 1.67365269461 299% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 9.0 4.22255489022 213% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 39.0404882426 57.8364921388 68% => OK
Chars per sentence: 111.833333333 119.503703932 94% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.5 23.324526521 92% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.875 5.70786347227 103% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 16.0 8.20758483034 195% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.309785381473 0.218282227539 142% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0947405801333 0.0743258471296 127% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0683227637217 0.0701772020484 97% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.168349099602 0.128457276422 131% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0393184925551 0.0628817314937 63% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.8 14.3799401198 96% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.88 12.5979740519 102% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.72 8.32208582834 105% => OK
difficult_words: 132.0 98.500998004 134% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 75.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.