The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books.
"We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children's book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café."
The recommendation is well presented here that the author suggests opening a cafe in the book store to attract more consumers. Astonishingly plausible as the advice may sound, close scrutiny reveals it suffers from the absence of answers to several key questions, which, if not appropriately addressed, will cast doubt to the credibility of the recommendation. Therefore, we are inquiring more information to better evaluate the advice.
To begin with, though we are informed that at the country level, the share of children is declining, but it is dangerous to draw a hasty generalization, and we still seek to know what the situation is in the city, where Monarch is located. We cannot rule out such a possibility that the general trend is not applicable to this city due to a regional booming economy, which can attract all kinds of citizens from the country. Moreover, the local government could also enact laws to encourage marriages and pregnancy giving rise to an increase of the younger generation. In such a circumstance, the original recommendation will be weakened, since the local population structure is more stable and healthy than the national one, which means the children book market is still large enough to gain profits. On the other hand, if the local trend follows a broader map, the advice will be more desirable to replace a shrinking market with a potentially profitable business.
Even though we concede that the proportion of children is also decreasing in this region, the suggestion could still be rendered questionable, since it hinges on an unsubstantiated assumption that only children are interested in or brought by the children’s book section. The author has to figure out whether or not reducing the share of children’s books will drive adult consumers away. We cannot turn a blind eye to the following situation that some parents are asked by their children to visit the book store and also purchase some books for themselves. In other words, the children’s section not only attracts young consumers but also their parents, friends, and relavents. If the answers are not positive, it may not be ideal to cut this section for its detrimental outcomes.
Granted the young population is shrinking and cutting children’s book section will not generate negative effects on consumers, it is still too hasty to reach the conclusion that starting a cafe has the potential to be profitable. Bring in new consumers is not equivalent to a increase in the total number of customers. The author has to offer more information to answer that will the cafe hurt the attractiveness of Monarch, as a book store. The cafe is not always a silent place, but this is a precondition for a great book store. Therefore, if the new cafe is noisy and damages the reading experiences of current customers, it may not necessarily result in the jump of the number of consumers and probably hurt its competitiveness.
To summarize, as I have manifested above, it is too precipitous for the author to arrive at the conclusion that a cafe will bring more consumers and, thus, benifit its competition. The author has to answer questions about the local population structure, possible influence associated with closing the children’s book section, and the possible impacts on readers by opening a cafe.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: To summarize, as I have manifested above, it is too precipitous for the author to arrive at the conclusion that a cafe will bring more consumers and, thus, benifit its competition.
Error: benifit Suggestion: benefit
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argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- duplicated to argument 1. one argument is enough
argument 3 -- OK
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Need to argue against the conclusion always. For this topic it is:
Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 547 350
No. of Characters: 2699 1500
No. of Different Words: 249 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.836 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.934 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.885 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 184 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 155 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 110 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 80 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27.35 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.002 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.75 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.308 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.534 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.122 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 177, Rule ID: CLOSE_SCRUTINY[1]
Message: Use simply 'scrutiny'.
Suggestion: scrutiny
...ngly plausible as the advice may sound, close scrutiny reveals it suffers from the absence of ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 307, Rule ID: WHETHER[7]
Message: Perhaps you can shorten this phrase to just 'whether'. It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Suggestion: whether
...k section. The author has to figure out whether or not reducing the share of children's b...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 280, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...g in new consumers is not equivalent to a increase in the total number of custome...
^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, if, may, moreover, so, still, therefore, thus, well, as to, in other words, to begin with, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 11.1786427146 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 33.0 28.8173652695 115% => OK
Preposition: 66.0 55.5748502994 119% => OK
Nominalization: 26.0 16.3942115768 159% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2796.0 2260.96107784 124% => OK
No of words: 547.0 441.139720559 124% => OK
Chars per words: 5.11151736746 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.83611736076 4.56307096286 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.09733026046 2.78398813304 111% => OK
Unique words: 261.0 204.123752495 128% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.477148080439 0.468620217663 102% => OK
syllable_count: 875.7 705.55239521 124% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 10.0 2.70958083832 369% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 5.0 1.67365269461 299% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 27.0 22.8473053892 118% => OK
Sentence length SD: 57.591557541 57.8364921388 100% => OK
Chars per sentence: 139.8 119.503703932 117% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.35 23.324526521 117% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.95 5.70786347227 104% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.176038670815 0.218282227539 81% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0561631469253 0.0743258471296 76% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0463557233853 0.0701772020484 66% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.101459572764 0.128457276422 79% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.00974993962367 0.0628817314937 16% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.3 14.3799401198 113% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 44.07 48.3550499002 91% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 12.197005988 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.65 12.5979740519 100% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.7 8.32208582834 105% => OK
difficult_words: 129.0 98.500998004 131% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.8 11.1389221557 115% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.