Some people think leisure time is more important than money. What’s your opinion? Do you think are there any other factors that make good quality of life ?
There has been much debate whether money noteworthy than leisure time, meanwhile I am personally convinced that our free time is more valuable. However, there are several factors should be considered to increase value of life.
Many people choose money due to some arguments. Firstly, it might possibly buy various goods of human needs such as, clothes, foods, or housing. In other word, humans cannot live without money. Secondly, public opinions see people from their possession. According to researchers, a prosperous person is more be respected by others. It seems that affluence is worthy in society.
On the other hand, to me, people request spare time because they are busy with job activities. Nowadays, workers encounter a problem to manage their schedule. Even though employee obtain much salary, they are still unsatisfied caused by long-hour for workings. Moreover, it will be dangerous, if people do not take a rest. It might compromise their psychology and bodies. In this case, money is not working.
Instead of money and leisure time, health and safety should be selected to improve quality of life. To get healthy body, people have to spend much time in gyms or sport centre and they must provide well-balance diet foods to support their nutrients. If they get sick, medical staffs like doctors give treatment and medicine. Individuals may not enjoy their life because of medical problems. It indicates that health is crucial for humans. Secondly, caused by increasing crime level, people release that safety is a popular issue, recently. The state-of-the-art news on television shows some violence occur and it is growing fast as a result of unstabil economics and politics in the world. People search a way to make their families be evaded by cruelty. A cooperation between police and residents has to be strengthened , if people demand a peace in their life.
To sum up, I tend to feel that spare time is essential rather that money, while other determinations should be accounted to gain better life.
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Sentence: Even though employee obtain much salary, they are still unsatisfied caused by long-hour for workings.
Description: The fragment employee obtain much is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace obtain with verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Sentence: The state-of-the-art news on television shows some violence occur and it is growing fast as a result of unstabil economics and politics in the world.
Error: unstabil Suggestion: unstable
flaws:
Avg. Sentence Length: 13.833 21.0
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.014 0.07
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 7.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 332 350
No. of Characters: 1636 1500
No. of Different Words: 213 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.269 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.928 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.54 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 126 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 86 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 53 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 34 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 13.833 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.005 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.242 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.436 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.014 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5