The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.
"Since its opening in Collegeville twenty years ago, Monarch Books has developed a large customer base due to its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books on all subjects. Last month, Book and Bean, a combination bookstore and coffee shop, announced its intention to open a Collegeville store. Monarch Books should open its own in-store café in the space currently devoted to children's books. Given recent national census data indicating a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten, sales of children's books are likely to decline. By replacing its children's books section with a café, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author concludes that Monarch book should open a coffee store by replacing the children's book space. To support this claim the author tries to give some evidence by mentioning about another book store, book and bean, survey findings of the percentage decrease in younger population and possible surge in profit, but these are not strong enough to reach into this decison. Though at first glance the decision seems alluring, but after perusing the writing the flaws are identified and how the flaws could have been ignored are illustrated.
First, the author assumes that Monarch book will be able to increase their profit if they open a cafe in their book store as Book and bean has done so. There is no clear indication that , after opening the cafe and book store at the same place, book and bean had a good profit.There might be more cost associating with managing two type of stores simultaneoulsy. Hence, it is not wise to take a decision based on this irrational thinking. MOnarch book store can open up a coffee store if it is found that, people are reluctant to visit a library if there is no cafe in it.
Furthermore, the author infers that the decline of young population in Collegeville will result into less child readers. It is not a logical thinking as the enthusiasm among the decreased younger population might be more significant than the children who are now adults. As the writing does not reflect any kind of survey result about the decreased predilection of book-reading among the children, the proposed idea cannot be implemented. Thus it will be extremely imprudent to replace the children's section of books by a cafe. What if the revenue is decreased after replacing the children's book section? Ambiguity in the claims of author is impeding the need for initiating a cafe in the monarch books.
Finally, the author posits that, if Monarch Books opens a cafe it will be able to supplant Book and Bean. The statement is not strengthened by any background information about the current rivalry between these two stores. The writer has not mentioned about any problem which Monarch books is facing for the establishment of the book and bean. By incoporating the possible competetion between these two companies the author could have made the argument more plausible and feasible. If it was clearly indicated that, monarch books has seen a drastic decline in their profit after the establishment of book and bean then this assumption might have been considered logical.
To recapitulate, I can concede that the proposal of opening a coffee shop along with existing book store, MOnarch cafe can get benefit if the earlier mentioned flaws are corrected as suggested above.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: To support this claim the author tries to give some evidence by mentioning about another book store, book and bean, survey findings of the percentage decrease in younger population and possible surge in profit, but these are not strong enough to reach into this decison.
Error: decison Suggestion: decision
Sentence: There is no clear indication that , after opening the cafe and book store at the same place, book and bean had a good profit.There might be more cost associating with managing two type of stores simultaneoulsy.
Error: simultaneoulsy Suggestion: simultaneously
Sentence: As the writing does not reflect any kind of survey result about the decreased predilection of book-reading among the children, the proposed idea cannot be implemented.
Error: book-reading Suggestion: book reading
Sentence: By incoporating the possible competetion between these two companies the author could have made the argument more plausible and feasible.
Error: incoporating Suggestion: incorporating
Error: competetion Suggestion: competition
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 455 350
No. of Characters: 2202 1500
No. of Different Words: 215 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.619 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.84 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.607 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 146 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 113 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 72 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 50 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.947 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.351 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.632 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.348 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.348 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.075 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 316, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...population and possible surge in profit, but these are not strong enough to reach...
^^
Line 2, column 186, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...ne so. There is no clear indication that , after opening the cafe and book store a...
^^
Line 2, column 278, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: There
... place, book and bean had a good profit.There might be more cost associating with man...
^^^^^
Line 2, column 574, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...it a library if there is no cafe in it. Furthermore, the author infers that the ...
^^^
Line 3, column 440, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Thus,
...he proposed idea cannot be implemented. Thus it will be extremely imprudent to repla...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, finally, first, furthermore, hence, if, so, then, thus, kind of
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.6327345309 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 10.0 13.6137724551 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 27.0 28.8173652695 94% => OK
Preposition: 53.0 55.5748502994 95% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 16.3942115768 91% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2243.0 2260.96107784 99% => OK
No of words: 454.0 441.139720559 103% => OK
Chars per words: 4.94052863436 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.61598047577 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.67856100308 2.78398813304 96% => OK
Unique words: 218.0 204.123752495 107% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.480176211454 0.468620217663 102% => OK
syllable_count: 700.2 705.55239521 99% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 22.8473053892 101% => OK
Sentence length SD: 49.3315427291 57.8364921388 85% => OK
Chars per sentence: 118.052631579 119.503703932 99% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.8947368421 23.324526521 102% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.57894736842 5.70786347227 63% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.216227218896 0.218282227539 99% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.080632366771 0.0743258471296 108% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0640235772548 0.0701772020484 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.132223590199 0.128457276422 103% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.043321287797 0.0628817314937 69% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.8 14.3799401198 96% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 56.59 48.3550499002 117% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.67 12.5979740519 93% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.22 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 99.0 98.500998004 101% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 11.1389221557 101% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.