argument：The following appeared in the summary of a study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia.
A recently issued twenty-year study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia investigated the possible therapeutic effect of consuming salicylates. Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches.
Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, food-processing companies also add salicylates to foods as preservatives.
The twenty-year study found a correlation between the rise in the commercial use of salicylates and a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by study participants.
At the time when the study concluded, food-processing companies had just discovered that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods, and, as a result, many companies plan to do so. Based on these study results, some health experts predict that residents of Mentia will suffer even fewer headaches in the future.
In the argument, the author claims that residents of Mentia will suffer even fewer headaches in the future regarding that the effect of consuming salicylates depending on some study. To support it, the author cites a various evidence to bolster it. However, a closer analysis will find some flaws. Thus, the author needs to cites more specific evidences to support his claim.
First, the author needs to clarify whether the people who participated the twenty-year study know the goal of the study or not. If they do not it , it may to some extent bolster the argument. However, if the result is opposite, it is entirely possible that the salicylates does not have any effect in reality , the therapeutic effect showed is only the result of the balm. Besides, before the study, the experiment worker tell people the ideal goal of the study, thus, the study participants just appear the effects expected by these worker.
Besides, we also need to know if there any negative effects in salicylates. This evidences, again , can go either director. If the salicylates shows no negative effects, it may be safety for peoples and the author bolster the argument. However, if some negative effects indeed hide behind it, i wonder that no people will buy the food contain it , not alone considering the therapy of it. Besides, regarding salicylates not only can be used as preservatives and flavor additives for foods, i think it is extremely possible that this material contains negative effects that harmful for people health.
Third, it is necessary for us to know whether there are other material in the food that may play a role in treat headache and their effects. If the food contained salicylates also have other things that can effect on treating headache, the argument may be weaken. In opposition, if there are no other thing s, we should need to know whether the amount of the salicylates in the food get the effect dote if salicylates indeed have the effect. Besides, we also need to know how many food contain the salicylates and how the favor of the food. If there are only a few have it and the food tasty bad at the same time, i think not many people will want to buy it. Thus, the residents of Mentia may will no suffer fewer headaches because they do not want to eat this kind of food.
In sum, the author need to cites more specific evidences to bolster his claim.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2012-06-26 | sheepfei199184 | 65 | view |
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Sentence: Thus, the author needs to cites more specific evidences to support his claim.
Description: The token to is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to to and cites
Sentence: If the salicylates shows no negative effects, it may be safety for peoples and the author bolster the argument.
Description: The fragment author bolster the is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace bolster with verb, past tense
Sentence: However, if some negative effects indeed hide behind it, i wonder that no people will buy the food contain it , not alone considering the therapy of it.
Description: The fragment food contain it is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace contain with verb, past tense
Sentence: In sum, the author need to cites more specific evidences to bolster his claim.
Description: The token to is not usually followed by a verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Suggestion: Refer to to and cites
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 415 350
No. of Characters: 1903 1500
No. of Different Words: 166 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.513 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.586 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.432 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 131 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 87 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 56 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 32 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.75 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.968 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.85 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.33 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.546 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.125 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5