According to a recent study, professional bodybuilders who used Train & Gain, a new protein supplement, over the course of three months experienced an increase in measured strength of up to 20%. Since Train & Gain is now available without prescription at all major pharmacies, superior results are no longer limited to professional athletes. Try Train & Gain today and you too can boost your strength and achieve professional-level performance in just a few months
The author has come to the conclusion that since train and gain is now more available in pharmacies that superior results from training will be no longer limited to profesional atheletes. The authors argument is extremely falwed and based on several assumption which need to be addressed before any adequate conclusion can be reached.
the first flaw in the authors argument is the assumption that there are no other factors that contributed to the 20% increase in strength of the profesional body builders. profesional body builders may be on a variety of supplements while they train and these may have also accounted for or contributed to the 20% increase in strength. With out these extra supplements the average user may not be able to attain the proffesional level of performance in such a short space of time. the profesional body builder may also be experiencing a placebo effect and because they anticipate an increase in strength they may change their training regime to be able to lift heavier weights and may be psychologically be able to lift more. To strengthen the initail claim of the 20% increase in strength the author would need to present data on how the actual test was conducted with figures on how many people used a placebo supplement, what other supplements were used and their current and final strength
The author also makes the argument that now train and gain is available in pharmacys with out a prescription, more people would be able to achieve superior results. This premise infers that it was not widely avialable before it was available on prescription. It would be logical to say that the body builders were able to purchase Train and gain previously with out a prescription so it would have being available to the general public. if this was the case the average gym enthusaite would have had access as well and would have already being able to achieve the claimed "up to 20%" increase. With out knowing the products previous distribution it would be impossible to know how likely the average gym ethusiate would have used the product.
Finally the author claims that it would achieve up to a 20% increase with out giving any information on the average, minimum, or median strength increase. Such a claim is misleading because many users may have only experienced a 5% increase which may be know where near to putting them in the catergory of "profesional level of performance". The author also assumes that the average gym ethusiate is not far off in performace from the proffesionals and even if the up to 20% increase in strenghth was true and most people achieved this it may not take them to a profesional level of performance.
As mentioned previously the authors argument is heavily flawed, with a variety of assumptions which could mislead the average gym user about the quality of the product. With out data on how the study was carried out, who the average user is, the mean, median and minimum strength increase, the argument will remain flawed and look like a misleading advertising campaign. if these issues were sesolved it could well stregthen the authors argument.
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Comments
Put less content. Around 400
Put less content. Around 400 words are enough. Now you understand you couldn't put 529 words in half an hour.
Some words/sentences could be removed, like:
'To strengthen the initail claim of the 20% increase in strength the author would need to present data on how the actual test was conducted with figures on how many people used a placebo supplement, what other supplements were used and their current and final strength'
Since you have a paragraph for conclusion.
Full essay evaluations
Sentence: The authors argument is extremely falwed and based on several assumption which need to be addressed before any adequate conclusion can be reached.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to authors and argument
Sentence: As mentioned previously the authors argument is heavily flawed, with a variety of assumptions which could mislead the average gym user about the quality of the product.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to authors and argument
Sentence: With out data on how the study was carried out, who the average user is, the mean, median and minimum strength increase, the argument will remain flawed and look like a misleading advertising campaign. if these issues were sesolved it could well stregthen the authors argument.
Description: The tag a WH-pronoun, nominative is not usually followed by the
Suggestion: Refer to who and the
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to authors and argument
Sentence: The author has come to the conclusion that since train and gain is now more available in pharmacies that superior results from training will be no longer limited to profesional atheletes.
Error: atheletes Suggestion: athletes
Error: profesional Suggestion: professional
Sentence: The authors argument is extremely falwed and based on several assumption which need to be addressed before any adequate conclusion can be reached.
Error: falwed Suggestion: flawed
Sentence: the first flaw in the authors argument is the assumption that there are no other factors that contributed to the 20 increase in strength of the profesional body builders. profesional body builders may be on a variety of supplements while they train and these may have also accounted for or contributed to the 20 increase in strength.
Error: profesional Suggestion: professional
Sentence: With out these extra supplements the average user may not be able to attain the proffesional level of performance in such a short space of time. the profesional body builder may also be experiencing a placebo effect and because they anticipate an increase in strength they may change their training regime to be able to lift heavier weights and may be psychologically be able to lift more.
Error: proffesional Suggestion: professional
Error: profesional Suggestion: professional
Sentence: To strengthen the initail claim of the 20 increase in strength the author would need to present data on how the actual test was conducted with figures on how many people used a placebo supplement, what other supplements were used and their current and final strength
Error: initail Suggestion: initial
Sentence: This premise infers that it was not widely avialable before it was available on prescription.
Error: avialable Suggestion: available
Sentence: It would be logical to say that the body builders were able to purchase Train and gain previously with out a prescription so it would have being available to the general public. if this was the case the average gym enthusaite would have had access as well and would have already being able to achieve the claimed 'up to 20' increase.
Error: enthusaite Suggestion: enthusiasm
Sentence: With out knowing the products previous distribution it would be impossible to know how likely the average gym ethusiate would have used the product.
Error: ethusiate Suggestion: enthusiasm
Sentence: Such a claim is misleading because many users may have only experienced a 5 increase which may be know where near to putting them in the catergory of 'profesional level of performance'.
Error: profesional Suggestion: professional
Error: catergory Suggestion: category
Sentence: The author also assumes that the average gym ethusiate is not far off in performace from the proffesionals and even if the up to 20 increase in strenghth was true and most people achieved this it may not take them to a profesional level of performance.
Error: strenghth Suggestion: strength
Error: ethusiate Suggestion: enthusiasm
Error: profesional Suggestion: professional
Error: proffesionals Suggestion: professionals
Error: performace Suggestion: performance
Sentence: With out data on how the study was carried out, who the average user is, the mean, median and minimum strength increase, the argument will remain flawed and look like a misleading advertising campaign. if these issues were sesolved it could well stregthen the authors argument.
Error: sesolved Suggestion: resolved
Error: stregthen Suggestion: strengthen
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 19 2
You will need to take spellings serious. Leave 5 minutes to check out.
Always capitalize the first letter of a sentence.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 19 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 529 350
No. of Characters: 2549 1500
No. of Different Words: 211 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.796 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.819 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.716 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 175 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 145 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 95 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 58 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 37.786 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 15.405 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.571 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.391 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.661 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.159 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Thanks for feed back.
Thanks for feed back. ..unfortunately I have mild dyslexia , so spelling is extremely hard for me, even though English is my first language.
Without the spelling mistakes what mark would I have got and do you have any suggestions on how I could improve the content
Thank you very much for the help
You could get 5.0 or over
You could get 5.0 or over without spelling errors.
The suggestion is: put less content but still you can argue against the statement very well.
By the way i did this under exam conditions, so i apologise for the spelling errors. i didnt give my self enough time to proof read and i got some serious issues with spelling
Hope you like it