An international development organization, in response to a vitamin A deficiency among people in the impoverished nation of Tagus, has engineered a new breed of millet high in vitamin A. While seeds for this new type of millet cost more, farmers will be paid subsidies for farming the new variety of millet. Since millet is already a staple food in Tagus, people will readily adopt the new variety. To combat vitamin A deficiency, the government of Tagus should do everything it can to promote this new type of millet.
In the given paragraph, it is stated that an international organization has developed a vitamin-A rich millet breed to fight vitamin-A deficiency among people in the impoverished nation of Tagus and it seeks government support to promote this new type of millet based on the evidence like millet is already a staple food in Tagus and they would readily adopt the new variety. This organization even proposed to pay subsidies to farmers to bear the cost of this seeds. I don't think these evidence are enough for supporting the organization's cause and the government should look for more information before granting support.
Firstly, it is stated that new breed is rich in vitamin-A. But there is no supporting information provided that this breed is enough and actually performs well in human body and can actually supply more vitamin-A. It is also required to prove that this engineered breed will not have any adverse effect on human body even if it can fill the deficiency of vitamin-A.
Secondly, it is clearly stated that cost of seeds of this new breed is higher and they proposed that subsidies will be given to the farmers for farming this new breed. It is not clear that how much subsidies will be provided or who will provide this. Even if the subsidies are provided by the organization, nothing is mentioned about the new price tag of this new seeds, even it is possible to cost much higher even after providing subsidies. In this case, farmers may not show interest in farming new breed.
Thirdly, there is no evidence presented that farmers will be interested in this project even if cost of the seeds is less. New breed may require new type of farming method, more time to grow or may increase cost of cultivating by affecting other factors and these factors may lead to lose if interest among farmers.
Moreover, there is no evidence presented that successful farming of new breed is possible in Tagus. It is possible that environment of Tagus is not suitable for new breed which will lead to lose of the farmers and the project will turn to a failure too.
There is no supporting information presented which shows that people of Tagus are interested in new breeds. After cultivating, new breed may cost a lot higher than the regular breed which is not affordable by people of Tagus. Even if the price line is similar, people may not still adopt it because of insecurity of changing their long time food breed.
Finally, to have goverment support in this project for promoting new breed of millet, the argument requires to present additional informations. I would require the assurance that it will perform well on human body to provide more vitamin-A and this process will not have any adverse effect on human. I need to know who is going to fund for the subsidies and if government is meant to fund, whether they have sufficient funds. It should show that farming new breed in Tagus will profitable for farmers and it is actually cultivable here and productivity will not be affected. It should present information that cost of new breed will not be outside the limit of Tagus's peoples ability and they are interseted in new breed.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 546 350
No. of Characters: 2564 1500
No. of Different Words: 195 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.834 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.696 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.56 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 160 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 133 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 85 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 57 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27.3 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.413 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.7 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.365 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.623 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.108 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 7 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 457, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: these
...ubsidies to farmers to bear the cost of this seeds. I dont think these evidence are ...
^^^^
Line 1, column 471, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...rmers to bear the cost of this seeds. I dont think these evidence are enough for sup...
^^^^
Line 9, column 194, Rule ID: MUCH_COUNTABLE[1]
Message: Use 'many' with countable nouns.
Suggestion: many
...his new breed. It is not clear that how much subsidies will be provided or who will ...
^^^^
Line 21, column 146, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...s. After cultivating, new breed may cost a lot higher than the regular breed whic...
^^
Line 25, column 109, Rule ID: ALLOW_TO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'presenting'? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
Suggestion: presenting
... breed of millet, the argument requires to present additional informations. I would requir...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, finally, first, firstly, if, look, may, moreover, second, secondly, so, still, third, thirdly, well
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 33.0 19.6327345309 168% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 26.0 12.9520958084 201% => Less auxiliary verb wanted.
Conjunction : 16.0 11.1786427146 143% => OK
Relative clauses : 19.0 13.6137724551 140% => OK
Pronoun: 51.0 28.8173652695 177% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 66.0 55.5748502994 119% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 16.3942115768 110% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2634.0 2260.96107784 116% => OK
No of words: 545.0 441.139720559 124% => OK
Chars per words: 4.83302752294 5.12650576532 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.83169070408 4.56307096286 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.61169055046 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 201.0 204.123752495 98% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.36880733945 0.468620217663 79% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 824.4 705.55239521 117% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 12.0 4.96107784431 242% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 1.0 8.76447105788 11% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 61.9045519628 57.8364921388 107% => OK
Chars per sentence: 119.727272727 119.503703932 100% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.7727272727 23.324526521 106% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.45454545455 5.70786347227 96% => OK
Paragraphs: 7.0 5.15768463074 136% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 8.20758483034 171% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.490534783658 0.218282227539 225% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.159191702713 0.0743258471296 214% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0905482123457 0.0701772020484 129% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.254345156732 0.128457276422 198% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0736277002654 0.0628817314937 117% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.7 14.3799401198 95% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 55.58 48.3550499002 115% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.03 12.5979740519 88% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.55 8.32208582834 91% => OK
difficult_words: 94.0 98.500998004 95% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 20.0 12.3882235529 161% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Maximum six paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.