IELTS Writing Task 1 Average annual expenditure on cell phone and residential phone services 2001 2010

Essay topics:

IELTS Writing Task 1 : Average annual expenditure on cell phone and residential phone services, 2001-2010

Given is the line graph presenting the overall spending on mobiles and land line phone services throughout 2001 and 2010 in United States.

It is clear that expenditure cell phone services gradually increased. However, spending on residential services fall steadily. The year 2006, consumer on mobiles overtook that for residential phone services.

A closer look at the data reveals that in the first moment, an average of just over $200 rose quickly on expenditures of mobiles. By contrast, consumers of residential services dropped slightly to just under $700. In around half decade, selling on cell phone increased dramatically to just above $450, while the figure of expenditure on land line phone services declined by nearly $200.

In 2006, both phone services outlaid the same figure at approximately $500 on each. In over the 10 years period, the average on cell phones still rose around $750, while the figure on land line services decreased to just over $400.

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Comments

It is clear that expenditure cell phone services gradually increased.
It is clear that expenditures on cell phone services are gradually increased.

consumer on mobiles overtook
consumers on mobiles overtook

an average of just over $200 rose quickly
Description: what is the subject for this sentence?

Sentence: In over the 10 years period, the average on cell phones still rose around 750, while the figure on land line services decreased to just over 400.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, singular, common
Suggestion: Refer to years and period

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Words: 157 200

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 9 10
No. of Words: 157 200
No. of Characters: 784 1000
No. of Different Words: 89 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.54 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.994 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.619 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 56 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 43 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 31 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 15 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.444 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.544 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.444 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.452 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.69 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.11 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4