The following is a recommendation from the Board of Directors of Monarch Books.
"We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children's book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
This argument is based on the recommendation provided by the Board of Directors of Monarch books. The recommendation is to open a new cafe in the store in lieu of increasing the number of customers which is already touted as high from the last twenty years. And this high number and business is solely due to the business of books in the store and not any other aspect. As proposed by the Board of Directors, discontinuing the children's book section would provide them the space to build cafe. But the question here is will this not affect the current popularity of the store?
Well the reason given is highly dependant on the result of the national census which is said to have published that the percentage of population of children below age ten has had a significant decline. Based on this record, the number of children visiting the store or the business of the children's book section going low cannot be decided. This is a mere prediction. This cannot be considered as one of the reasons for discontinuing the children's section. The national census might come up with another record for the next year. Hence it would be useful if the results of national census for atleast two or three years is picked up to compare the result.
It is also possible that after the cafe is introduced, the number of people visiting the store will remain the same or even reduce since the children's section would be discontinued. The reason why Monarch books is famous for, that is the selling of books-this whole purpose might get camouflaged if the number of people reduces.
Another point to be considered here is the comparison of Monarch books to Regal books. There are many unanswered questions in this statement. For Regal books to have its own cafe, has it discontinued any section of the store? What was the reason why the cafe was being introduced? Does it have a large customer base as in Monarch books and is it as established? There is absolutely no detail about any of these questions.
For a reasonable comparison, the scale of comparison should be commensurate. We just don't know if Regal Books introduced the new cafe to increase it's business or the number of customers and also if this change was observed. This detail will provide a strong base to the recommendation and will help in deciding if the cafe has to be introduced. Monarch books is a well established store hence it should also take into account if its competitor Regal Books is as well established to be a worthy competitor.
The fact that the number of customers will increase if the cafe is introduced and the recommendation for the same can be successful if the above details are provided as these would make the proposal more strong.
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Sentence: Well the reason given is highly dependant on the result of the national census which is said to have published that the percentage of population of children below age ten has had a significant decline.
Error: dependant Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Hence it would be useful if the results of national census for atleast two or three years is picked up to compare the result.
Error: atleast Suggestion: at least
argument 1 -- not exactly. A national census may not apply to a specific area.
argument 2 -- OK but more arguments wanted.
argument 3 and argument 4 can be put together.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 475 350
No. of Characters: 2203 1500
No. of Different Words: 196 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.668 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.638 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.679 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 140 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 100 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 73 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 50 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.792 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.563 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.375 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.288 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.515 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.063 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5