The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The part of the letter to the scientific journal gives insights on the effect of birth order on an individual's level of simulation. The observations made during the study on the rhesus monkeys state that the firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much hormone coristol, which primes the body for increased activity levels as to their young siblings. A similar phenomena is in firstborn humans who also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations. Along with that the study also found out that first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring. All of these explanation, according to the author suggest that birth order does in fact have an effect on the individual's level of simulation. Although all the facts provided by the author must be true but they still aren't enough to bolster the conclusion as mentioned above as there are a lot of fallacies in the evidence provided which cannot be neglected.
The study that the author is talking about is of a group of eighteen rhesus monkeys. The background of these monkeys is not provided. Where are they from, are they different from other categories of monkeys etc has not been mentioned. There is a possibility that this species of monkeys have a specific characteristic due to which their response to stimuli is different and the effect of this stimuli on the levels of the hormone cortisol in them.
The second observation on which the conclusions based on is the observation of response to stimuli between siblings. This observation although true, does not necessarily point toward the evidence of increased level of hormone cortisol in the monkeys as they ages of the monkeys under observation have not been specified. The firstborn shows higher level of the hormone cortisol as a response to stimuli maybe because the firstborn is more mature and more developed than his siblings. The younger siblings might also show similar signs in the level of coristol upon reaching the firstborns age. Thus the age factor, that is the ages of the monkeys under observation have not been mentioned and hence the conclusion is not accurately derived.
The premise of the entire portion of the letter is based on the observations of the hormone coristol. But, adequate information about the hormone coristol is not provided to draw conclusions from the aforementioned observations. This also points to the observation on the first-time mothers. The higher level of coristol can merely be a response to their first time pregnancy and as the body grows accustomed to being pregnant and has already experience it before, maybe the level of coristol reduces. There isn't enough evidence provided to bridge the gap between the ideas of first-time mothers having a high level of coristol and the firstborn showing high levels of coristol as a response to stimuli.
Therefore, the study provides a lot of insightful observation on the rhesus monkeys but they are still not enough to arrive at the conclusion that the birth order affects the individuals level of stimulation.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 514 350
No. of Characters: 2551 1500
No. of Different Words: 202 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.761 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.963 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.736 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 186 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 147 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 102 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 62 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.476 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.148 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.619 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.334 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.53 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.109 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 370, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'phenomenon'?
Suggestion: phenomenon
...s as to their young siblings. A similar phenomena is in firstborn humans who also produce...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 603, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: had
...r levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring. All of these explana...
^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 637, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this explanation' or 'these explanations'?
Suggestion: this explanation; these explanations
...e who had had several offspring. All of these explanation, according to the author suggest that b...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 847, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: aren't
... the author must be true but they still arent enough to bolster the conclusion as men...
^^^^^
Line 4, column 389, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'these'?
Suggestion: these
... stimuli is different and the effect of this stimuli on the levels of the hormone co...
^^^^
Line 6, column 259, Rule ID: NON3PRS_VERB[2]
Message: The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: 'age'
Suggestion: age
...hormone cortisol in the monkeys as they ages of the monkeys under observation have n...
^^^^
Line 6, column 595, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Thus,
...istol upon reaching the firstborns age. Thus the age factor, that is the ages of the...
^^^^
Line 8, column 444, Rule ID: HAVE_PART_AGREEMENT[2]
Message: Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: 'experienced'.
Suggestion: experienced
...tomed to being pregnant and has already experience it before, maybe the level of coristol ...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 8, column 509, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: isn't
...be the level of coristol reduces. There isnt enough evidence provided to bridge the ...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, hence, if, may, second, so, still, therefore, thus, as to, in fact, talking about
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 4.0 12.9520958084 31% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 13.6137724551 110% => OK
Pronoun: 26.0 28.8173652695 90% => OK
Preposition: 84.0 55.5748502994 151% => OK
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2596.0 2260.96107784 115% => OK
No of words: 512.0 441.139720559 116% => OK
Chars per words: 5.0703125 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.75682846001 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.78436173801 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 206.0 204.123752495 101% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.40234375 0.468620217663 86% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 822.6 705.55239521 117% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 52.5722049632 57.8364921388 91% => OK
Chars per sentence: 123.619047619 119.503703932 103% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.380952381 23.324526521 105% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.71428571429 5.70786347227 83% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 9.0 5.25449101796 171% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 0.0 6.88822355289 0% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 14.0 4.67664670659 299% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.250819223819 0.218282227539 115% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.082414258734 0.0743258471296 111% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.084502074652 0.0701772020484 120% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.158732851585 0.128457276422 124% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0927068746686 0.0628817314937 147% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.6 14.3799401198 102% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 47.12 48.3550499002 97% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.197005988 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.42 12.5979740519 99% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.79 8.32208582834 94% => OK
difficult_words: 96.0 98.500998004 97% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 11.9071856287 126% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.