The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of a food distribution company with food storage warehouses in several cities.
"Recently, we signed a contract with the Fly-Away Pest Control Company to provide pest control services at our fast-food warehouse in Palm City, but last month we discovered that over $20,000 worth of food there had been destroyed by pest damage. Meanwhile, the Buzzoff Pest Control Company, which we have used for many years, continued to service our warehouse in Wintervale, and last month only $10,000 worth of the food stored there had been destroyed by pest damage. Even though the price charged by Fly-Away is considerably lower, our best means of saving money is to return to Buzzoff for all our pest control services."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The argument with recommendation that the company should return to Buzzoff for all pest control services is rather weak. It is based on the premises that the demage in warehouse in Palm City is over $20,000 at which the Fly-Away Pest Control Company provide services, that the damage in warehouse in Wintervale which is under control of the Buzzoff Pest Control Company is just $10,000,and that the price charged by Fly-Away is considerably lower. However, there is many missed evidences, as explained in the following paragraphs.
First, the evidence that there are no specific enviromental situations that causes the damage in Palm City is needed to be verified. The special conditions may possibly be the result of higher cost in food damage, leaving the comparison in the statement about which company has better performace in doubt. For example, there are swarms of lucusts in Palm City and the damage over $20,000 is the lowest in the proximate of the area, making the Fly-Away Pest Control Company free of blame. On the contrary, maybe there is happenly some policy of the local government in Wintervale that almost all the pest is killed with pesticide. Then the efficiency of the Buzzoff is worth suspicion.
Furthermore, the evidence that the rate of damage comparing to the whole volume of the storage is low in Wintervale should be certified, providing the previous evidence is proved. The evidence is aimed to evaluate the real performance of the two pest-control Companies. For example, if the total value in the warehouse in Palm City is one million dollars, the damage rate is just 2 percent, comparing to the rate of 100 percent if the storage in Wintervale happenly is $10,000. As a result, the conclusion is shaky, leaving the motives of the vice president in question. The evidence is so crucial that needs to be testified.
Moreover, the evidence that the price comparing to the damage in Palm City is so high that the return to Buzzoff Pest Control Company saves money ought to be demonstrated. If it is the case, say the price of adopting Fly-Away Pest Control Company is just $5,000 lower with the damage $10,000 higher, then the recommendation might be sensible. On the other hand, if the result is contrary, that is, if the cost of adopting of Fly-Away Pest Control Company is $50,000 lower ,then the return is unreasonable leaving the recommendation invalid.
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Sentence: It is based on the premises that the demage in warehouse in Palm City is over 20,000 at which the Fly-Away Pest Control Company provide services, that the damage in warehouse in Wintervale which is under control of the Buzzoff Pest Control Company is just 10,000,and that the price charged by Fly-Away is considerably lower.
Error: demage Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: First, the evidence that there are no specific enviromental situations that causes the damage in Palm City is needed to be verified.
Error: enviromental Suggestion: environmental
Sentence: The special conditions may possibly be the result of higher cost in food damage, leaving the comparison in the statement about which company has better performace in doubt.
Error: performace Suggestion: performance
Sentence: For example, there are swarms of lucusts in Palm City and the damage over 20,000 is the lowest in the proximate of the area, making the Fly-Away Pest Control Company free of blame.
Error: lucusts Suggestion: locusts
Sentence: On the contrary, maybe there is happenly some policy of the local government in Wintervale that almost all the pest is killed with pesticide.
Error: happenly Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: For example, if the total value in the warehouse in Palm City is one million dollars, the damage rate is just 2 percent, comparing to the rate of 100 percent if the storage in Wintervale happenly is 10,000.
Error: happenly Suggestion: No alternate word
flaws:
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
In real exams or writing practicing, if time is not enough, you may ignore the third reason , but write a conclusion paragraph to make the essay compelte. Two reasons are enough.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 402 350
No. of Characters: 1936 1500
No. of Different Words: 169 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.478 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.816 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.635 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 146 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 108 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 69 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 40 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.125 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.784 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.812 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.364 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.54 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.093 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5