TPO 5, Task 2: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
People now spend much of their time on personal enjoyment and doing things they like, instead of doing what they should.
That people today spend too much time on leisure activities is an undeniable fact. If we take a closer look at the people's lifestyle today, it is plain that they value pleasure more than anything else. Some persons agree with this fact; others disagree. From my vantage point, I support the viewpoint that people spend most of their time on personal enjoyment and their favorite activities for the following two significant reasons.
To begin with, due to increasingly busy and stressful lifestyle, I believe that leisure activities have gained more attention in the last decades. After a long working day, everyone prefer to spend doing things they like and attend personal enjoyment. A vivid example can be given to shed light on what was elaborated above; when I was at university, I used to go to university early in the morning and work at the laboratory. Unbelievably, there were always numerous experiments waiting for me to conduct, so I had to work very hard. In the evenings, when I came back home, I was so frustrated. Personal enjoyment and my favorite activities were the only things that could relieve me and aid me to relax. Not for a second, I asked myself what I should do or what should not do, even though I had to do homework or do laundry and cooking.
Besides the above-mentioned reason, negative effects of social media could be cited here as another reason in support of my viewpoint. Obviously, advertisements comprise a major part of social media, which its effect on people is plain for everyone. These advertisements only depict luxuries and extravagant lifestyles, and are focused on pleasure and enjoyment. Why is that? Because everyone want to be happy and enjoy his or her time. Actually, company managers use this basic human need to make more profit by persuading people to buy their materials, which gives them more pleasure and personal enjoyment. For example, they advertise fast-modern cars, but they do not advertise that they should not burn too much gas regarding the environmental problems.
In the final glance, government policies play a major role in individuals' passion for personal enjoyment. The veracity of this claim can be evaluated through a meticulous observation on the mass of examples; before 1940, United States and Canada officials decided to pass a new law allowing people to have sex freely with anyone they desire. What was the result? More and more people spend their time on personal enjoyment. Quite the opposite, after 1940, they realized that this law is destroying the families. The marriage rate dropped significantly. Hence, they are putting values on family nowadays in social media such as movies, television shows, and on the internet. Therefore, politics plays a very substantial role.
All in all, although some sophisticated people may prove the otherwise, I am still after the point that personal enjoyment is more important for people these days.
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Comments
I wrote this essay in 30 min
I wrote this essay in 30 min with time pressure. I make awkward grammatical errors in this situation, and also when I am frustrated from the previous tasks.
Sentence: After a long working day, everyone prefer to spend doing things they like and attend personal enjoyment.
Description: The fragment everyone prefer to is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace prefer with verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
Sentence: Because everyone want to be happy and enjoy his or her time.
Description: The fragment everyone want to is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace want with verb, present tense, 3rd person singular
flaws:
The essay is not exactly right on the topic. The examples are not used properly.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? in 30
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 27 15
No. of Words: 485 350
No. of Characters: 2376 1500
No. of Different Words: 272 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.693 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.899 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.691 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 166 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 124 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 95 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 56 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.963 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.975 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.407 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.247 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.435 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.045 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5