The following appeared in a health newsletter.
"A ten-year nationwide study of the effectiveness of wearing a helmet while bicycling indicates that ten years ago, approximately 35 percent of all bicyclists reported wearing helmets, whereas today that number is nearly 80 percent. Another study, however, suggests that during the same ten-year period, the number of accidents caused by bicycling has increased 200 percent. These results demonstrate that bicyclists feel safer because they are wearing helmets, and they take more risks as a result. Thus, there is clearly a call for the government to strive to reduce the number of serious injuries from bicycle accidents by launching an education program that concentrates on the factors other than helmet use that are necessary for bicycle safety."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
The percentage of bicyclists who wear a helmet has skyrocketed from 35 per cent to 80 percent during the past decade, at the same time, the number of accidents with bicyclists has dramatically increased as well. Thus, to combat this negative dynamic author proposes to start a new educational program which will be aimed on other factors of bicyclists safety. This conclusion is supported by several evidences and we will study them closer in order to gauge the soundness of the conclusion.
First of all, we were told that number of accidents caused by bicyclists has magnified by 200 per cent. This data is undoubtedly overwhelming and means that, for example, the number of accidents which involved riders used to be 1000 become 3000 accidents per year. However, does the number of bicyclists change? In fact, many countries energetically promote healthy life-style and usage of bicycle as means of transportation has increased worldwide, thus, this country, perhaps, follows that trend, In this situation, if number of participants to bicycling has increased proportionally or even more, the percentage of accidents with the riders may not be negative. For instance, 100 000 people used bicycle one ten years ago and 1000 accidents was 1 per cent, if today the number of bike zealots has improved and become 2, 000, 000, the supposed 3000 accidents(result of 200 percent increase) will be 0,15 per cent. Thus a actual situation on the roads with riders has improved strikingly despite the fact that the number of accidents has increased 200 per cent. Moreover, the possibility exists that consequences of accidents today and ten years ago not the same. In fact, wearing a helmet, perhaps, prevent many people from acquiring serious damage of brain and head injuries. To solve this discrepancy we need to learn more about this statists.
Furthermore, the writer asserts that the alteration in the number of accidents with riders is connected with their feeling of safety, and as consequences, they take more risks which lead to injuries. Despite the probability that bicycles may feel safety, we cannot assume that this feeling inevitable results in tendency to risk. In reality, the cause of such negative statistic may be ban infrastructure and rude motorists. In many cases, riders have to share a road with drivers who often neglect or do not see them in back mirrors. Moreover, perhaps, infrastructure of the area does not suit for usage of bicycle, for instance, no lane for bicycle established or they are taken by automobiles. In other words, the real cause of increase in the number of injuries may not be the bicyclists’ feeling of safety but rather insufficient infrastructure and impolite motorists, therefore author’s proposal which is aimed on promoting of other factors of safety may have or have not expected results.
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Sentence: To solve this discrepancy we need to learn more about this statists.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to this and statists
Sentence: For instance, 100 000 people used bicycle one ten years ago and 1000 accidents was 1 per cent, if today the number of bike zealots has improved and become 2, 000, 000, the supposed 3000 accidentsresult of 200 percent increase will be 0,15 per cent. Thus a actual situation on the roads with riders has improved strikingly despite the fact that the number of accidents has increased 200 per cent. Moreover, the possibility exists that consequences of accidents today and ten years ago not the same.
Error: accidentsresult Suggestion: accident result
Sentence: To solve this discrepancy we need to learn more about this statists.
Error: statists Suggestion: No alternate word
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argument 1 -- OK.
argument 2 -- OK
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flaws:
Need one more argument.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 465 350
No. of Characters: 2313 1500
No. of Different Words: 219 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.644 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.974 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.821 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 164 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 125 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 89 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 65 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 31 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 19.487 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.867 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.339 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.484 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.13 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 5