the three pie charts below shows the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991, and 2011

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the three pie charts below shows the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981, 1991, and 2011

The three charts illustrated the changes in the amount of expenditure spent by a particular UK school over 21-year period in three different year 1981, 1991, and 2001.

Generally speaking, the greatest amount of school spent over 21-year period was 50% of total expenditure to spend on teachers' salaries which occurred in 1991.

More specifically, expenditure on insurance was the lowest spending of school than other expenditure though it steady rose up to 8% by 2001. Teachers' pay remained around 40% to 50% while other workers' salaries instead steady fell from 28% to 15% by the end of the period. In contrast, the cost of furniture and equipment saw an opposite trend. The cost dropped from 15% in 1981 to 5% in 1991, but surge sharply in 2001 when it represented 23% of the school budget. Otherwise, the budget of resource such as book saw increase up to 20% in 1991, but declined dramatically to only 9% of budget in 2001.

Overall, by the end of the period the cost for teachers' salaries was corresponding steadily remained, while other workers' salaries decreased, but school still needed budged for more furniture and equipment despite resources and insurance cost just needed small budget.

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2015-11-14 ielts.webster 60 view
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over 21-year period in three different year 1981, 1991, and 2001.
over a 21-year period in three different years 1981, 1991, and 2001.

while other workers' salaries instead steady fell from 28% to 15%
while other workers' salaries instead steadily fell from 28% to 15%

the budget of resource such as book saw increase up to 20%
the budget of resource such as book saw an increase up to 20%

despite resources and insurance cost just needed small budget.
Description: check books how to use 'despite'

flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2

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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.5 out of 9
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 8 10
No. of Words: 201 200
No. of Characters: 965 1000
No. of Different Words: 106 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.765 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.801 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.682 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 74 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 50 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 40 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 21 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.125 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.149 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.625 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.455 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.686 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.115 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4

Submitted by ielts.webster on Sat, 11/14/2015 - 15:35

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Do you have suggestion for me to increase my score?
what do i need to do to improve my essay?
what the mainly problems of my essay?

Submitted by ielts.webster on Sat, 11/14/2015 - 15:43

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Could you explain to me what the mainly criteria of examiner will assess my essay? because if i compare with someone who has higher score than me i assume that the main reason why i just got band around 5-5.5 because of grammatical errors
and how accurate this assessment it is when i compare with the real test?

The IELTS examiners will assess essays in following four criteria:

Task Achievement.
Lexical Resource.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy.
Coherence and Cohesion.

currently your main problem is: Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

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