Some people believe that children leisure activities must be educational; otherwise they are complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? (rewrite1)
In the competitive job market these days, many parents have become more concerned about an academical preparation in their children. It becomes a controversial issue; whether children should be accounted only in productive activities in their free time or they should be able to play freely. Personally, I assert that parents should let their kids participate in their favorite hobbies without any control for a couple reasons.
To begin with, the first stage of life is crucial as children start accumulating all information and build several vital skills. This stage is the foundation stage which requires some time to establish their fundamental tools. For instance, during kids interact with others, they will develop communicating skills, understand social behaviors and learn to respect other people. They also build and find their own personalities ad characters from different situations.
During playing time, children are actually working. Their duties are playing and exploring the world. For instance, when kids participate in physical activities such as chasing others, they also gain physical development. While drawing a picture, kids boost their imaginations, improve the mental aspect and engage in fine movement skills. Moreover, playing a role play or building a house also develops other valuable skills such as decision making and organizational skills. Therefore, there is no unproductive activities in a playing field, but in fact children are working on building foundation skills to apply later on in their lives.
Even though, most parents are still worried about an academical preparation for their kids. The fact is that interpersonal qualities are vital than education areas. In the first stage of life, parents should stimulate soft skills such as generosity, caring and kindness rather than academical knowledge. This is because, if they grow up and have only a solid knowledge without interpersonal qualities, they will have a hard time to live in this world. In addition, limiting children freedom and too much control can lead to several mentally health concerns such as low self-esteem and do not appreciate the value of life.
In conclusion, children should be allowed to indulge in their preferable leisure activities in order to promote their mental and physical growths. Otherwise, excessive parental activities might lead to several mental concerns in the future.
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during kids interact with others
Description: check books how to use 'during'
interpersonal qualities are vital than education areas.
Description: check books how to use 'A...er...than...B'
flaws:
1. Don't always use 'children, they' as the subject of a sentence.
2.and don't repeat same sentence structure. like:
during kids interact with others, they will develop communicating skills, understand social behaviors and learn to respect other people.
While drawing a picture, kids boost their imaginations, improve the mental aspect and engage in fine movement skills
3. Need to use words properly. like:
This stage is the foundation stage which requires some time to establish their fundamental tools.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 371 350
No. of Characters: 1986 1500
No. of Different Words: 208 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.389 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.353 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.772 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 153 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 118 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 82 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 52 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.55 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.045 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.65 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.291 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.521 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.044 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5