The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city Monroe
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in in Monroe: over 100,000 people came to visit the annual jazz festival last summer; several well known jazz players live in Monroe; and the highest rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly', which airs every weeknight at 7pm. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends $1000 on jazz entertainment per year."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument
The loan application for the proposed C-Note jazz club claims that a jazz club in Monroe would be a highly profitable establishment. While it may sound true that a new jazz club sounds like a lucrative business which provides entertainment to the city residents, the case presented by the group of developers is rife with holes and assumptions. Further evidence is required before a more compelling case can be presented and a loan can be sanctioned.
The developers claim that Monroe has a lot of jazz fans based on the turnaround for the annual jazz festival which was more than a 100,000. However, we are not certain about the exact number of people that are from Monroe itself. It may be that most of the people who visited the festival came out of town or out of the country. If evidence stating the actual demography of the music festival goers can be provided, a better conclusion can be arrived at.
The developers also state that the highest rated radio program in Monroe is the ‘Jazz Nightly’. However, no information has been provided about the methods through which the ratings were conducted. We are not certain about the number of people who actually listen to the radio. It may well be that only a few hundred people listen to the radio, as there are other alternatives to listen to music such as streaming music online. We also cannot be certain that of all the people who listen to the radio, every one of them has given a rating for the show. It could be a skewed rating where only the listeners of this show have given a rating. Hence, we need more data regarding the radio show ratings to make a better decision.
Also, another assumption made by the developers is that they can garner all the crowd at the new jazz club in Monroe because the closest jazz club is 65 miles away. While it may be true that there are no other jazz clubs in the surrounding area, it cannot be made certain that in the future they will not have other competitors coming up.
In conclusion, the arguments put up by the developers for a loan are flawed due to their reliance on several unwarranted assumptions. If more data can be provided as mentioned above, a better evaluation can be made in the case.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 396 350
No. of Characters: 1771 1500
No. of Different Words: 180 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.461 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.472 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.46 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 111 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 73 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 49 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 34 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.429 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.778 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.332 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.521 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.128 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 346, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Further,
...ers is rife with holes and assumptions. Further evidence is required before a more comp...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, hence, however, if, may, regarding, so, well, while, in conclusion, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 27.0 19.6327345309 138% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.9520958084 131% => OK
Conjunction : 3.0 11.1786427146 27% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 18.0 13.6137724551 132% => OK
Pronoun: 27.0 28.8173652695 94% => OK
Preposition: 45.0 55.5748502994 81% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1822.0 2260.96107784 81% => OK
No of words: 396.0 441.139720559 90% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.60101010101 5.12650576532 90% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.46091344257 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.55324385403 2.78398813304 92% => OK
Unique words: 185.0 204.123752495 91% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.467171717172 0.468620217663 100% => OK
syllable_count: 579.6 705.55239521 82% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 4.96107784431 161% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 34.8680050731 57.8364921388 60% => OK
Chars per sentence: 101.222222222 119.503703932 85% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.0 23.324526521 94% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.05555555556 5.70786347227 89% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.30980490896 0.218282227539 142% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0993294085519 0.0743258471296 134% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.110412774835 0.0701772020484 157% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.185604917976 0.128457276422 144% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.10336118353 0.0628817314937 164% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.2 14.3799401198 78% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 57.61 48.3550499002 119% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.4 12.5979740519 75% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.6 8.32208582834 91% => OK
difficult_words: 72.0 98.500998004 73% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.