Do you A/D? extended families are not important these days as they were in the past.Give specific reasons to support.
There is a cliche' in my culture says that" a real man is not that who talks about his father's glory, the real man is that who shows his glory." I completely agree with it. Nowadays, our extended families do not play any significant role in our lives or our next generations' future lives. Since, people change their places perhaps for obtaining the proper education, seeking for a peaceful life or for having a better job, I believe that extended families become less important that it was in the past.
To begin, with the revolution in technology people become more independent with their lives. Recently, it becomes easier for transportation and studying far away from our families. If you live in China, and you want to study in the U.S., you can go and depend completely on yourself. Now, each university has its dormitory rooms for its students; foreigners do not need to seek for affordable places to rent or waste their money for unfamiliar and expensive apartments. Today, hometowns .students feel so Clos hometowns.They can call their parents and friends and enjoy living alone. While, In the past, it was impossible to study abroad, no airplanes and no internet. People in past need their relatives to give them support, protection, and safety.For my personal experience, when I finished my high school in my city, under the name of security my parent did not allow me to continue my higher education far away in the university I wanted. At that time, I have no relatives to help me. So desperately study I disliked to be at my home among my family.But now, I am here alone thousands miles away, studying the subject that I always dreamed and did not need any physical support from my extended family. I booked my flight, I live in a dormitory room and call my mother and my father every day and anytime I need.
Also, in America, people do not care about extended families, they belong to their parents, sisters and brothers till they become young adults and leave them to star the new life. While, Eastern cultures think families and extended families are as important as their parents. Unfortunately, most of those countries are suffering from war crisis, which forced them mandatory leaving their houses, their cities forever. For example, I am from Iraq; all my relatives left the country after 2003, families migrated, I was 18 at relatives mirgtated to different countries. I am in America, my sister in France, differentMy uncle in South Africa. We are various customs and learn different languages. Furthermore, our kids do not speak their mother language; they belong to the new culture they born and faithful to it.Their relatives are merely names probably they would not remember in the future.
Finally, I think people usually change their places and leave their families seeking for jobs. Some of them do that looking for a well-paid salary; others do that looking for their hobbies. For example, my uncle at 1970 left his family and city and migrated to France to build his dream and become a famous painter. He did not need any help from any relatives, it was very hard but, if you have your dream and have your talent, follow your heart to reach your glory. Sometimes the family would let you down because they could not understand you.
All in all, extended family are emotionally important these days. However, In my opinion, grandfathers, aunts and uncles are not important in our lives like in the past.
Sentence: There is a cliche' in my culture says that' a real man is not that who talks about his father's glory, the real man is that who shows his glory.'
Description: A conjunction, subordinating is not usually followed by a WH-pronoun, nominative
Suggestion: Refer to that and who
Sentence: For example, I am from Iraq; all my relatives left the country after 2003, families migrated, I was 18 at relatives mirgtated to different countries.
Error: mirgtated Suggestion: migrated
Sentence: I am in America, my sister in France, differentMy uncle in South Africa.
Error: differentMy Suggestion: differently
flaws:
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.267 0.35
No. of Words: 596 350 //Write the essay in 30 minutes.
We are expecting:
No. of Words: 350 while No. of Different Words: 200
follow this user by three reasons but less examples:
http://www.testbig.com/users/ftn
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You may try this pattern to have more varieties for the fourth paragraph:
Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree. (suppose we support side A)
Para 2: First, reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).
Para 3: Second, reason 2, blabla... do the same thing as First
Para 4: Admittedly, there are some advantages of side B. first,....second...However, there is no causation/relation... Still I support side A, ...first,....second...
Para 5: Conclusion.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 22 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 28 15
No. of Words: 596 350
No. of Characters: 2754 1500
No. of Different Words: 289 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.941 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.621 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.449 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 186 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 128 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 92 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 54 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.286 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.312 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.429 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.267 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.439 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.117 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5