Nowadays, there are a lot of statues of famous people in cities and towns. This may remind us to feel grateful for their attempts and good performances in addition to remembering that we have to continue their ways. Each country has its own honorable well-known people. Among all venerable people I have seen in my life, I respect Dr. Chamran more than anybody because of his extraordinary attitudes.
First of all, Dr. Chamran was a very brilliant scientist in physics and electrical engineering. Hardships and difficulties could not prevent him from achieving best awards during his short life. Since he was very good at sciences and technology, he motivates me to continue his way and encourages me not to allow hard situations impede me from my goals. For example, he got the best GPA among all electrical engineering students at Texas University and he was appreciated by all faculties. When I feel that I cannot pass TOEFL, I think about him and begin to study again.
Moreover, he defended our country during eight-year war and was killed by the enemy. All people who visited him in his life assert that he was one of the bravest people in the world. Although before that time, his responsibilities never exceeded studying and submitting articles, but he could learn military principles very soon and after some months, he became the commander of 5000 soldiers. He did everything for his country and even he lost his life because of our country. Therefore, both of his life and death are admirable and we owe him.
Furthermore, he had a romantic relationship with his spouse. After his death, his wife published some of his letters and explained about his good manner. Although he was very courageous in the battle scenes, he was very kind and gentle at home. Not only did not he order to his wife to do something for him but also he helped her in drudgery housekeeping tasks. His wife stated that after his death, she stayed near his grave for one week because she loved him so much.
To sum up, Dr. Chamran’s behaviors made him honorable in our society. There is a highway in Tehran which its name is Chamran to show his family that we never forget his good jobs.
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- TPO24 - Integrated TOEFL essay 82
Although before that time, his responsibilities never exceeded studying and submitting articles, but he could learn
Description: don't put 'although' 'but' in one sentence.
Not only did not he order to his wife to do...
Description: don't use 'not only..not...'. You can use 'neither...nor' or 'either...or'
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 380 350
No. of Characters: 1752 1500
No. of Different Words: 212 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.415 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.611 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.589 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 110 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 81 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 60 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 41 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.095 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.83 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.524 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.341 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.543 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.239 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5