i would like to fight for unproductive costs
Every many of the year 200 million MNT becomes income to China from Mongolia. Who invest this income are students, they do not make national treasure nor they do not working.
All over Mongolian universities and high schools start to celebrate graduation ceremony at the end of May every year. For that day, all students even their parents and teachers prepare early on, about from a month. They need to buy several stuffs like hair band, dress and even socks. Also it costs too much, at least 200thousand MNT. I don’t want to talk about all of them. The thing is shining, in every graduators chest, it called “Graduation bell” I want to talk about it. However it looks nice it is very small and fragile. We don’t make it in our country we just buy it from China.
Let’s see if 40000 students celebrate graduation ceremony per year, 200 million MNT costs for graduation bell. On the other hand, it can be benefit for Mongolian some small merchants but it is just half of amount of money. The process is merchants bought the bell from China and then they add transportation costs and their profits. Further that price I doubled. Finally we buy that bell in doubled price. Most of graduators said “Graduation bell is a custom of the that ceremony. Only one special day I should look really fancy” Although we called this ceremony “The Silver Bell Day” the bell is not made by silver. This is a junk and waste of money.
Just for wear bell one day of ceremony we send 200 million MNT to our southern neighbor, annually.
Export and import is very crucial role for economic. Since, in our country import is taking greater percent then export. For instance, natural gas, mechanic and its tools, groceries and even cloth are come to Mongolia by export. Surely we can consider, it is really necessary and we cannot produce those in our country yet, however we invest hundred and hundred profits to our haters, for absolutely unnecessary stuffs.
By 200 million MNT, for how many household how many businessmen can be invested? Remember it is only one year cost of graduation ceremony. Today we must talk about it. We have already invested a great deal of money to China for Graduation bell.
In developed countries such as America, and Germany, they don’t celebrate graduation day as a party or become mass widespread, of course they don’t buy any bell, as a result is graduation day costs lower.
Did we are educated than them, cause of this we celebrate like that? educated one is modesty, enormous river is peaceful, remember this word(this is our winger words, isn’t it) … why we still sprinkle highly costs unproductive. During graduation ceremony, there is none of students did not wear bell, but after that day 95% of them just threw it away.
It is impossible to solve this in Mongolia, isn’t it? Why we cant loose this “just one time” stubby mind. We can celebrate graduation without any unproductive costs. I think we can, if we stop buying unnecessary things as a bell and buy it from Mongolian handmaders is become benefit to Mongolian economy.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2017-11-18 | narantsatsral | 60 | view |
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 176, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ional treasure nor they do not working. All over Mongolian universities and high...
^^^
Line 2, column 286, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Also,
...s like hair band, dress and even socks. Also it costs too much, at least 200thousand...
^^^^
Line 2, column 412, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[2]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'graduators'' or 'graduator's'?
Suggestion: graduators'; graduator's
...of them. The thing is shining, in every graduators chest, it called 'Graduation bell&...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 493, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...ion bell' I want to talk about it. However it looks nice it is very small and frag...
^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 609, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... our country we just buy it from China. Let's see if 40000 students celebra...
^^^
Line 3, column 370, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Finally,
...profits. Further that price I doubled. Finally we buy that bell in doubled price. Most...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 413, Rule ID: MOST_SOME_OF_NNS[1]
Message: After 'Most of', you should use 'the' ('Most of the graduators') or simply say ''Most graduators''.
Suggestion: Most of the graduators; Most graduators
...ally we buy that bell in doubled price. Most of graduators said 'Graduation bell is a custom ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 54, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “Since” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...port is very crucial role for economic. Since, in our country import is taking greate...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 343, Rule ID: NODT_DOZEN[1]
Message: Use simply: 'a hundred'.
Suggestion: a hundred
...e in our country yet, however we invest hundred and hundred profits to our haters, for ...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 355, Rule ID: NODT_DOZEN[1]
Message: Use simply: 'a hundred'.
Suggestion: a hundred
...ntry yet, however we invest hundred and hundred profits to our haters, for absolutely u...
^^^^^^^
Line 8, column 70, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Educated
..., cause of this we celebrate like that? educated one is modesty, enormous river is peace...
^^^^^^^^
Line 8, column 356, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...hat day 95% of them just threw it away. It is impossible to solve this in Mongol...
^^^
Line 9, column 67, Rule ID: CANT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'can't' or 'cannot'?
Suggestion: can't; cannot
...this in Mongolia, isn't it? Why we cant loose this 'just one time' st...
^^^^
Line 9, column 312, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...andmaders is become benefit to Mongolian economy.
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, however, if, look, may, really, so, still, then, at least, even so, for instance, i think, of course, such as, as a result, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 10.4613686534 220% => Less to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 5.04856512141 198% => OK
Conjunction : 19.0 7.30242825607 260% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 7.0 12.0772626932 58% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 71.0 22.412803532 317% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 55.0 30.3222958057 181% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 5.01324503311 259% => Less nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2600.0 1373.03311258 189% => OK
No of words: 535.0 270.72406181 198% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.85981308411 5.08290768461 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.80937282943 4.04702891845 119% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.66960518795 2.5805825403 103% => OK
Unique words: 270.0 145.348785872 186% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.504672897196 0.540411800872 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 792.0 419.366225166 189% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.55342163355 97% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 14.0 3.25607064018 430% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 4.0 8.23620309051 49% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 1.25165562914 240% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.51434878587 132% => OK
Preposition: 9.0 2.5761589404 349% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 35.0 13.0662251656 268% => Too many sentences.
Sentence length: 15.0 21.2450331126 71% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 43.8304339332 49.2860985944 89% => OK
Chars per sentence: 74.2857142857 110.228320801 67% => OK
Words per sentence: 15.2857142857 21.698381199 70% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.6 7.06452816374 65% => OK
Paragraphs: 9.0 4.09492273731 220% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 14.0 4.19205298013 334% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 20.0 4.33554083885 461% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 4.45695364238 45% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 13.0 4.27373068433 304% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.108644966484 0.272083759551 40% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0313516149706 0.0996497079465 31% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0344825540552 0.0662205650399 52% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0535502129349 0.162205337803 33% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0275897003653 0.0443174109184 62% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 9.1 13.3589403974 68% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 64.71 53.8541721854 120% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 5.55761589404 56% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.0 11.0289183223 73% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.32 12.2367328918 84% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.45 8.42419426049 88% => OK
difficult_words: 104.0 63.6247240618 163% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 6.5 10.7273730684 61% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.0 10.498013245 76% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 11.2008830022 71% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 20 minutes.
Maximum four paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 63.3333333333 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 19.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.