Formal education tends to restrain our minds and spirits rather than set them free.
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.
Based on my life experience, I believe that formal education imprisons our minds and spirits. It makes us less thoughtful; therefore we cannot think out of the box. When I was a kid, I was very curious about learning new concepts and I felt the world is very interesting but when I entered the school the world became really dull and I was trapped in a vicious circle.
Formal education teaches me what is right and what is wrong, as if the world is governed by rigid rules of zero-one. It also directs my interests to the path that is, according to itself, suitable. For instance, I'm supposed to read a poetry as my literature teacher reads; Moreover, I should analyze it, considering a fixed rubric. Otherwise I won't pass the course and consequently I won't graduate, I won't have a well-paid job, and at last I won't be able survive. On the other hand, if I read and analyze poetry in a way that is correct according to my teacher, then, I won't ever be able to experience the world of literature, especially poetry in a new and somehow creative way. As a result, I won't be myself. I'll be someone else, the person that my teacher and the educational system want. The teachers defend the formal education by insisting that learners will be better prepared for the real world. But I disagree. In a world where thinking is wrapped by educational patterns, no one is free; neither mentally, nor spiritually.
All in all, formal education and its fixed instructing methods restraints our thinking and interests; therefore, we are not free.
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| 2013-10-27 | nilka61 | 63 | view |
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Sentence: Otherwise I won't pass the course and consequently I won't graduate, I won't have a well-paid job, and at last I won't be able survive.
Description: An adjective is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to able and survive
Sentence: All in all, formal education and its fixed instructing methods restraints our thinking and interests; therefore, we are not free.
Description: A noun, plural, common is not usually followed by a noun, plural, common
Suggestion: Refer to methods and restraints
flaws:
No. of Words: 280 350
No. of Different Words: 154 200
Number of Paragraphs: 3 5
better to have 5 paragraphs:
para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree
para 2: reason 1
para 3: reason 2
para 4: reason 3 (optional)
para 5: conclusion
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 14 15
No. of Words: 280 350
No. of Characters: 1243 1500
No. of Different Words: 154 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.091 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.439 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.656 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 88 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 66 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 46 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 28 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.536 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.347 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.462 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.084 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 3 5