"Of the two leading real estate firms in our town—Adams Realty and Fitch Realty—Adams Realty is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents; in contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago I listed my home with Fitch, and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams Realty."
The argument renders some weak evidence to support its conclusion while for attracting the patrols it could be written better with strong evidence. The author uses numbers which increase ambiguities and do not have any explanations to persuade the readers. Moreover, comparing two main estate firms needs special data that provides the readers with the golden opportunity to choose one of firms which do not have used at this argument.
The author does not consider certain measures to compare two firms and takes some general factors into account like the size of company. Maybe companies that are smaller than other companies can make a better profit and their annual incomes outweigh their cost due to their size. Having greater agents cannot illustrate superior. Furthermore, the author could render strong evidence to prove that why Adam’s revenue was higher than that of Fitch last year instead of comparing their average sales without any explanations. It is clear that bigger firms have great incomes in comparison with smaller firms and their profits are variable. It is more likely that the smaller firms like Fitch have greater profit because their expenditures are lower than those of bigger firms. The author could compare the profit of two estate firms in recent years based on statistic to convince the readers.
The other weak point of this argument is related to making comparison among two firms at the process of selling homes listed. The author presents an inappropriate example to prove that homes listed with Adams sell faster as well. The technology in recent years has significant changes which provide companies with better searching as regards their goals while in ten years ago, they did not have decent technology to respond to their customers at a short time. Therefore, the writer could use persuasive example to justify why Adams Realty can sell homes listed fast. Maybe, Fitch Realty can improve its rate of sale in comparison with did that in the past to which the author does not pay attention.
The author also failed to depict strong conclusion because could not bring decent evidence and statistics to explain how Adams would be able to sell homes listed quickly. In addition, the writer could not clarify why Adams realty sell homes listed at a good price. Due to these important ambiguities, the conclusion is not persuasive and reliance on it without enough searches may make an irreversible damage. The conclusion could improve with gathering useful data about the rate of responding to patrols of Adams and Fitch and the price that they sell homes listed.
In conclusion, the author could not support his reasons with strong evidence while could use data based on clear documents and render reliable example to convince customers to select better firms. Furthermore, the author could consider certain factors to compare two firms, like the level of services and the customer’s loyalty instead of comparing the size of firms and the numbers of agents. It cannot be overlooked that comparing the revenues of two firms without considering the size of them makes a mistake and it is better to compare their pure profits with certain ratio.
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2013-12-27 | souparnika | 67 | view |
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- Integrated tpo 75
Sentence: Maybe, Fitch Realty can improve its rate of sale in comparison with did that in the past to which the author does not pay attention.
Description: The tag a preposition is not usually followed by did
Suggestion: Refer to with and did
Sentence: In addition, the writer could not clarify why Adams realty sell homes listed at a good price.
Description: The fragment realty sell homes is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace sell with verb, past tense
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 523 350
No. of Characters: 2619 1500
No. of Different Words: 219 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.782 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.008 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.367 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 195 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 134 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 73 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.773 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.882 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.327 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.532 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.098 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5