In 1992, many farmers in Jalikistan began using a hormone designed to produce larger cows that would produce more milk. Since then, childhood obesity in Jalikistan has grown by 200 percent. The amount of milk and dairy consumed by children in this area ha

Childhood obesity is quite common in these days.Author says that inducing hormone as the reason for the obesity but at the same time there can be other factors that has caused increase in weight.since the only change is inducing hormone author cannot substantiate his statement with this very fact.He could have talked about the season when the survey was conducted as it is highly possible for children to gain weight in winters holidays.

Author should have given age facts about children in the survey because child who are less indulging in games may increase in weight. He could have given some facts about hormone that was used to show that this can cause children to grow more weight.You cannot conclude that people who drank soy milk or almond milk have not gained.There is fair chance that if they drank cow milk they could have gained weight.

Author could have shown people who drank both soy and cow milk for significant amount of time under same condition, then conclude that inducing hormone is a reason for obesity. He can also show before hormone and after hormone situation to concrete his conclusion.

In third line he said that the amount of milk consumption has not increased or decreased this could give some hint to reconsider his point but however he could have been diligent in identifying minor flaws which would make his point strong

Votes
Average: 3.3 (1 vote)
Essay Categories

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 49, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Author
...d obesity is quite common in these days.Author says that inducing hormone as the reaso...
^^^^^^
Line 1, column 299, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: He
...tiate his statement with this very fact.He could have talked about the season when...
^^
Line 4, column 116, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: You
... can cause children to grow more weight.You cannot conclude that people who drank s...
^^^
Line 4, column 198, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: There
...soy milk or almond milk have not gained.There is fair chance that if they drank cow m...
^^^^^
Line 6, column 135, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...under same condition, then conclude that inducing hormone is a reason for obesity...
^^^
Line 9, column 140, Rule ID: BUT_NEVERTHELESS[1]
Message: Use simply 'but'.
Suggestion: but
... give some hint to reconsider his point but however he could have been diligent in identify...
^^^^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, if, may, so, then, third

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 10.0 19.6327345309 51% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 25.0 28.8173652695 87% => OK
Preposition: 24.0 55.5748502994 43% => More preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 4.0 16.3942115768 24% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1141.0 2260.96107784 50% => More number of characters wanted.
No of words: 232.0 441.139720559 53% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.91810344828 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 3.90276135726 4.56307096286 86% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.32093157908 2.78398813304 83% => OK
Unique words: 131.0 204.123752495 64% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.564655172414 0.468620217663 120% => OK
syllable_count: 346.5 705.55239521 49% => syllable counts are too short.
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 0.0 8.76447105788 0% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 6.0 19.7664670659 30% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 38.0 22.8473053892 166% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 114.317904693 57.8364921388 198% => OK
Chars per sentence: 190.166666667 119.503703932 159% => OK
Words per sentence: 38.6666666667 23.324526521 166% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.33333333333 5.70786347227 128% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 5.0 8.20758483034 61% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 0.0 6.88822355289 0% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.156231988912 0.218282227539 72% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0801106151201 0.0743258471296 108% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0402861037694 0.0701772020484 57% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0811593337345 0.128457276422 63% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0387509028853 0.0628817314937 62% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 21.1 14.3799401198 147% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 41.37 48.3550499002 86% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 16.9 12.197005988 139% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.85 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.18 8.32208582834 98% => OK
difficult_words: 39.0 98.500998004 40% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 17.5 12.3882235529 141% => OK
gunning_fog: 17.2 11.1389221557 154% => OK
text_standard: 18.0 11.9071856287 151% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Minimum 250 words wanted.

Rates: 33.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 2.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.