The following appeared in the Health section of the Greenhorne Gazette:
“Motilac is a substance that occurs naturally in the human digestive tract. Many
consumers of dietary supplements containing motilac report significant easing of digestive
discomfort after just a few weeks of use. Among Greenhorne residents, the consumption
of motilac supplements has increased 80% over the last seven years. Last year,
Greenhorne’s five hospitals reported fewer cases of serious gastrointestinal disorders than
any year on record. Meanwhile, sales of motilac supplements are declining in the
neighboring town of Etolin. Notably, hospitals in Etolin report a steady increase in the last
two years in patients experiencing a wide range of distressing gastrointestinal symptoms.
The clear explanation of these trends is that motilac is effective in preventing many
serious gastrointestinal disorders."
According to Health section of the Greenhorne Gazette, the author argues that motilac is effective in preventing many serious gastrointestinal disorders. To buttress his conclusion, the author cites the following evidences: first, many consumers of dietary supplements containing motilac report significant easing of digestive discomfort after just a few weeks of use; second, Greenhorne hospitals reported fewer cases of serioes gastrointestinal disorder since concumption of matilac supplements has increased a lot over the last seven year; last, Etolin report a steady increase in patients experiencing distressing gastrointestinal symptoms as the sales of supplements are declincing. Though the issue has its own merit, due to unconvincing explanations, the conclusion is unjustified.
To begin with, the result that many consumers experience have dramatic easing of digestive discomfort after matilac usage is not persuasive. Instead, there are many other reasons causing this alleviating. For example, those consumers might eat less and more healthy after experiencing the digestive discomfort. They convert their eating habits to having foods that can be readily digestive, so that it is natural they will feel better. In addition, our bogy machination might have self-recovery processes. The pain brought be digestive discomfort would be reduced greatly due to normal bioactivities inside our body. The author fails to provide the frequency and amount intake of matilacHence. It is likely that people use only a small amount of motilac, which is not sufficient to reduce the discomfort. Therefore, ascribing the relief of pain solely to use of mailac is not grounded.
Moreover, the report from Greennhorne's five hospitals is not credible. During the last seven years, many factors have been changed and all should be taken into account. To illustrate, citizens in Greenhorne pay more attention to health, and so spend more time on exercising every week. The government, additionally, innitated new physical health programs and opened more free playground for the masees over the recent seven years. The effort made both by the Greenhorne's government and its individuals reduces the illness siginificantly. The stronger immune systems brought by frequent exercise are more likely to contribute positively to digestive systems and would be less likely to suffer from serious gastrointestinal disorders.
Last but not least, that reducing sales of motilac in neighboring town of Etolin causes wider range of distressing gastrointestinal symtoms is doubtful. It is plausible that the prices of motilax supplements are much lower in other cities than those in neighboring town, and the distance between those two towns are not large. Thus, people in the neighboring town of Etolin would like to purchase Motilac in other cities for lower prices. The author fails to draw the relationship between the usage of motilac in neighboring town of Etolin to the condition of hospital in Etolin. Does neighboring town has its own hopital and people choose to go here often? Following this way, causal effect is not obvious. So, it is unreliable to attribute the serious gastrointestinal symptoms to the use of motilac. Furthermore, we are not informed about the exact number of change in distressing and usage. If the original distressing is little, then it would still be small even if there is a positive change.
To sum up, as it stands, the conclusion in the Health section is not reliable since many alternative interpretations that could rival the proposed explanation remain unexamined. To further strengthen the argument, the author is advised to add the evidences as follows: first, whether the reports are all convincing and correct; second, whether other factors leading to the same results.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- duplicated to argument 2
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- OK
----------------
Need to argue against the conclusion always. For this topic it is:
The clear explanation of these trends is that motilac is effective in preventing many
serious gastrointestinal disorders.
----------------------
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 30 15
No. of Words: 586 350
No. of Characters: 3144 1500
No. of Different Words: 299 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.92 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.365 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.029 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 246 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 180 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 127 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 98 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.533 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.257 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.236 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.429 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.061 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 789, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...anations, the conclusion is unjustified. To begin with, the result that many cons...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 886, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...solely to use of mailac is not grounded. Moreover, the report from Greennhornes f...
^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 539, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...als reduces the illness siginificantly. The stronger immune systems brought by freq...
^^^
Line 5, column 733, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...from serious gastrointestinal disorders. Last but not least, that reducing sales ...
^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 603, Rule ID: DOES_NP_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'have'?
Suggestion: have
...spital in Etolin. Does neighboring town has its own hopital and people choose to go...
^^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... even if there is a positive change. To sum up, as it stands, the conclusion ...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, furthermore, hence, if, moreover, second, so, still, then, therefore, thus, for example, in addition, to begin with, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 30.0 19.6327345309 153% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 29.0 28.8173652695 101% => OK
Preposition: 80.0 55.5748502994 144% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3276.0 2260.96107784 145% => OK
No of words: 586.0 441.139720559 133% => OK
Chars per words: 5.59044368601 5.12650576532 109% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.92010537223 4.56307096286 108% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.32655097092 2.78398813304 119% => OK
Unique words: 306.0 204.123752495 150% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.522184300341 0.468620217663 111% => OK
syllable_count: 1005.3 705.55239521 142% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 4.96107784431 161% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 26.0 19.7664670659 132% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 101.100227088 57.8364921388 175% => OK
Chars per sentence: 126.0 119.503703932 105% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.5384615385 23.324526521 97% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.30769230769 5.70786347227 93% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 13.0 6.88822355289 189% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.193764677304 0.218282227539 89% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0431718451684 0.0743258471296 58% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0533307973735 0.0701772020484 76% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.103722251799 0.128457276422 81% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0821019094593 0.0628817314937 131% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.2 14.3799401198 113% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 40.69 48.3550499002 84% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.1 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 15.44 12.5979740519 123% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.34 8.32208582834 112% => OK
difficult_words: 171.0 98.500998004 174% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 19.0 12.3882235529 153% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.