The following appeared in a memo from the manager of UpperCuts hair salon:“According to a nationwide demographic study, more and more people today are moving from suburbs to downtown areas. In order to boost sagging profits at UpperCuts, we should take advantage of this trend by relocating the salon from its current location in Apton’s suburban mall to downtown Apton, while retaining the salon’s decidedly upscale ambiance. Besides, Hair-Dooz, our chief competitor at the mall, has just relocated downtown and is thriving at its new location, and the most prosperous hair salon in nearby Brainard is located in that city’s downtown area. By emulating the locations of these two successful salons, UpperCuts is certain to attract more customers.” Discuss how well-reasoned you find this argument
In this argument, the manager of Cutters claims that the business will be more profitable once it moves to a downtown location. The author cites that the success of a competitor, Hair-Dooz, is attributable to its location and that another hair salon in a downtown location is also the most profitable in its neighboring city. However, this argument depends on several unsubstantiated assumptions and is therefore unpersuasive as it stands.
First of all, the author’s conclusion that relocation to downtown will boost Cutters’ profits depends on the assumption that all other conditions are identical for Cutters and Hair-Dooz. Yet, the author does not provide any evidence to substantiate this assumption. In order to support this conclusion, the manager of Cutters should present that both the hair salons have the exact same number of employees, the same amount of investment capital, the same marketing strategies, etc., to name only a few deficits. Unless the author offers sufficient evidence, this assumption is logically flawed.
Similarly, the claim that the success of a hair salon located in a downtown area in neighboring Brainard will ensure Cutters’ prosperity depends on the assumption that those two cities share similar demographic data. Nevertheless, the author offers no evidence to verify this assumption. To satisfy the claim, the manager of Cutters should show that Cutters’ location in suburban Apton is the only factor that negatively affects its sales.
In addition, the author unfairly asserts that the current success of their competitor will affect the future success of Cutters’ business. The manager of Cutters overlooked other aspects that made the downtown location in Apton attractive to the public. It is possible that there are temporary events and attractions or newly constructed buildings, which have drawn public attention so far yet may not be able to guarantee future success. Without showing that the situation will last in the near future, the author cannot argue that relocation will bring about its success.
To sum, the author’s assumption that relocating to a downtown location will guarantee Cutters’ success is logically flawed based on the above mentioned reasons. To strengthen his or her argument, the author should closely examine all the conditions and possible factors affecting hair salon business both in downtown Apton and in neighboring Brainard. In conclusion, the author’s argument reflects unsupported claims without clear reasons or evidence.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 4 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 388 350
No. of Characters: 2070 1500
No. of Different Words: 178 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.438 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.335 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.763 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 172 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 139 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 92 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 56 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.824 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.706 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.471 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.373 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.582 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.076 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 447, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ble to guarantee future success. Without showing that the situation will last in ...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, look, may, nevertheless, similarly, so, then, therefore, in addition, in conclusion, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 19.6327345309 56% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 33.0 28.8173652695 115% => OK
Preposition: 46.0 55.5748502994 83% => OK
Nominalization: 26.0 16.3942115768 159% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2146.0 2260.96107784 95% => OK
No of words: 388.0 441.139720559 88% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.53092783505 5.12650576532 108% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.43821085614 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.90704741045 2.78398813304 104% => OK
Unique words: 191.0 204.123752495 94% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.492268041237 0.468620217663 105% => OK
syllable_count: 648.9 705.55239521 92% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 16.0 8.76447105788 183% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 9.0 4.22255489022 213% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 50.0602405274 57.8364921388 87% => OK
Chars per sentence: 126.235294118 119.503703932 106% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.8235294118 23.324526521 98% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.52941176471 5.70786347227 132% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.113553928153 0.218282227539 52% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0402531246938 0.0743258471296 54% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0461059845415 0.0701772020484 66% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.076434230995 0.128457276422 60% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0393888969601 0.0628817314937 63% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.0 14.3799401198 111% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 40.69 48.3550499002 84% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.1 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 15.09 12.5979740519 120% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.08 8.32208582834 109% => OK
difficult_words: 107.0 98.500998004 109% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 16.0 11.9071856287 134% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.