"The following appeared in a memo from New Ventures Consulting to the president of HobCo, Inc., a chain of hobby shops.
""Our team has completed its research on suitable building sites for a new HobCo hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon. We discovered that there are currently no hobby shops in southeastern Grilldon. When our researchers conducted a poll of area residents, 88 percent of those who responded indicated that they would welcome the opening of a hobby shop in southeastern Grilldon. Grilldon is in a region of the nation in which the hobby business has increased by 300 percent during the past decade. In addition, Grilldon has a very large population of retirees, a demographic with ample time to devote to hobbies. We therefore recommend that you choose southeastern Grilldon as the site for your next HobCo Hobby Shop. We predict that a shop in this area will draw a steady stream of enthusiastic new HobCo customers."""
The author concludes here that choosing southeasern Grilldon as the site for next HobCo hobby shop would add stream of customers to HobCo, Inc. Stated in this way, the argument fails to mention some key features on the basis of which it could have been evaluated. To support his claim, the author reasons that as there is no hobby shop in southeasern Grilldon and Grilldon has a increased percent of hobby business in past decade, it would be a great decision to set up a new shop in southeasern Grilldon. However, careful scrutiny of evidence reveals that there is little credible support to author's claim. Hence, the claim can be considered incomplete and unsustainable.
Firstly, the author readily assumes that as the other parts of Grilldon have a increased percent of hobby business, southeasern Grilldon will also produce same kind of result. This is merely an assumption without much solid ground.
To illustrate, the people of southeasern Grilldon can be apathetic about hobbies. They might have put their interest un any other type of interest. Hence, the argument would have been much more convincing if the author explicitely stated that
Again, the author points out that as there is a very large population of retires in Grilldon, hobby shop in southeasern Grilldon will be a successful. This is again a weak and unsupported claim as it does not demonstrate any clear correlation between number of retired people in total Grilldon and chances of business bloom in southeasern Grilldon. For example, may be the number of retirers in southeasern Grilldon is very small and they are not interested in hobbies. So, if the author provided evidnce that there are a lot retired people in southeasern Grilldon and they are interested in hobbies,it would have been much more convincing.
Finally, the auhtor's conclusion raises some skeptical questions. Do the survey included a large number of population? Do the survey included people of all ages? As there were no hobby shops, were they even interested in hobbies?
Without convincing answers to questions, the reader is left with the impression that the argument is just a wishful thinking of the author rather than substantive evidence.
In conclusion, the argument is unpersuasive as it stands. To bolster further, the author should have included some statistical data as evidence to his claim. Without those, the argument is weak.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 393 350
No. of Characters: 1955 1500
No. of Different Words: 183 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.452 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.975 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.691 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 144 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 113 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 81 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.714 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.585 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.381 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.314 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.605 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.088 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 7 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 378, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...n southeasern Grilldon and Grilldon has a increased percent of hobby business in ...
^
Line 5, column 78, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
Suggestion: an
...hat as the other parts of Grilldon have a increased percent of hobby business, so...
^
Line 11, column 138, Rule ID: DT_JJ_NO_NOUN[1]
Message: Probably a noun is missing in this part of the sentence.
...by shop in southeasern Grilldon will be a successful. This is again a weak and unsupported c...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 11, column 600, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , it
...lldon and they are interested in hobbies,it would have been much more convincing. ...
^^^
Line 15, column 89, Rule ID: LARGE_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use 'many' or 'numerous'
Suggestion: many; numerous
...tical questions. Do the survey included a large number of population? Do the survey included peop...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, finally, first, firstly, hence, however, if, may, so, for example, in conclusion, kind of
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 12.9520958084 93% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 49.0 55.5748502994 88% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2024.0 2260.96107784 90% => OK
No of words: 392.0 441.139720559 89% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.16326530612 5.12650576532 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.44960558625 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.78344734703 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 189.0 204.123752495 93% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.482142857143 0.468620217663 103% => OK
syllable_count: 616.5 705.55239521 87% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 63.8243763809 57.8364921388 110% => OK
Chars per sentence: 96.380952381 119.503703932 81% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.6666666667 23.324526521 80% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.52380952381 5.70786347227 79% => OK
Paragraphs: 7.0 5.15768463074 136% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.132303340487 0.218282227539 61% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0378110467061 0.0743258471296 51% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0612278429572 0.0701772020484 87% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0563877506341 0.128457276422 44% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0582730091941 0.0628817314937 93% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.2 14.3799401198 85% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 53.21 48.3550499002 110% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.65 12.5979740519 100% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.11 8.32208582834 97% => OK
difficult_words: 89.0 98.500998004 90% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.0 12.3882235529 105% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Maximum six paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.