The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
The statement claims that a study provided insights about the relation between the monkey’s order of birth and the amount of stimulae trigered by the body, suggesting higher levels of cortisol on first-born individuals in comparison to the next progeny. It fails, though, in exposing the ways this study was made, how was the environment where the monkeys were submited to, their food sources and so on. Being in a harsh milieu or having an inadequate diet could reasonably induce the unbalanced hormon levels on firstborns.
The article follows by saying that firstborn humans also display the aforementioned abnormality in the level of stimulation. Here, another possible explanation could be that first-time parents are not experienced enough in the task of raising a child. So all the frustrations and concerns they may have, could directly afflict their older child. This argument is reinforced by the last paragraph, in which the publication finishes by claiming that first-time mother monkeys also presented higher levels of cortisol during first pregnancy.
As humans, the firstborn child is supposed to look after and protect his/her younger brothers and sisters during their lives. This charge of responsability encumbed to the first progeny can be an overwhelming task, and can whet his/her levels of stimulation hormons along time. This kind of family duty is not exclusive to the human race. Considering the genetic similarities between humans and monkeys, it would not be levian to believe that primates behave the same way. To strengthen this assumption, the article gives as an example of stimulation an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey. The appearance of an unknown specimen could be interpreted as a threat to the defender (the firstborn monkey), raising its levels of cortisol more than in its protégés.
Finally, the paper’s proposed explanation could be bolstered if the author provided studies showing that the level of stimulation were maintained in groups in which the firstborn died right after the birth. Assuming the explanation provided in the last two paragraphs, the secondborn child should assume the position of the first one, either by absorbing the frustrations of first-time parents, or by having the duty to assume a position of protector of its future siblings. Therefore, this child or monkey should also present higher levels of stimulation in the absence of the first sibling.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: The statement claims that a study provided insights about the relation between the monkey's order of birth and the amount of stimulae trigered by the body, suggesting higher levels of cortisol on first-born individuals in comparison to the next progeny.
Error: stimulae Suggestion: stimulate
Error: trigered Suggestion: triggered
Sentence: It fails, though, in exposing the ways this study was made, how was the environment where the monkeys were submited to, their food sources and so on.
Error: submited Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Being in a harsh milieu or having an inadequate diet could reasonably induce the unbalanced hormon levels on firstborns.
Error: hormon Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: This charge of responsability encumbed to the first progeny can be an overwhelming task, and can whet his/her levels of stimulation hormons along time.
Error: responsability Suggestion: responsibility
Error: hormons Suggestion: No alternate word
Error: encumbed Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: Considering the genetic similarities between humans and monkeys, it would not be levian to believe that primates behave the same way.
Error: levian Suggestion: No alternate word
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flaws:
the arguments are not on the right track. read the sample:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-27-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ? out of 6
Category: ? Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 8 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 386 350
No. of Characters: 1995 1500
No. of Different Words: 202 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.432 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.168 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.817 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 158 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 117 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 84 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 53 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.125 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.306 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.625 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.327 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.523 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.076 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 267, Rule ID: ALONG_TIME[1]
Message: Did you mean 'a long time'?
Suggestion: a long time
...t his/her levels of stimulation hormons along time. This kind of family duty is not exclus...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, finally, first, if, look, may, second, so, then, therefore, kind of
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 25.0 28.8173652695 87% => OK
Preposition: 58.0 55.5748502994 104% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 16.3942115768 110% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2057.0 2260.96107784 91% => OK
No of words: 384.0 441.139720559 87% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.35677083333 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.4267276788 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.91082818725 2.78398813304 105% => OK
Unique words: 207.0 204.123752495 101% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.5390625 0.468620217663 115% => OK
syllable_count: 621.0 705.55239521 88% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 54.6291116874 57.8364921388 94% => OK
Chars per sentence: 128.5625 119.503703932 108% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.0 23.324526521 103% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.5625 5.70786347227 80% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 2.0 8.20758483034 24% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.201819437459 0.218282227539 92% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0648027220416 0.0743258471296 87% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0677669786621 0.0701772020484 97% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.127565116576 0.128457276422 99% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0541221942483 0.0628817314937 86% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.8 14.3799401198 110% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 47.12 48.3550499002 97% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.197005988 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.1 12.5979740519 112% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.23 8.32208582834 111% => OK
difficult_words: 107.0 98.500998004 109% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 11.9071856287 126% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.