The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The author alleges that first-born child would produce the stress hormone, cortisol, twice as much as younger children while they are facing an unfamiliar monkey. Therefore, the author analyzes the study and concludes that there is the effect of birth order that the first born child would show higher level of higher hormone than younger siblings when encountering a simulating situation. Even though the study seems fascinating in terms of creating new theory and idea, there are several flaws that other researchers can rebut and bring out alternative explanation or opposite opinions.
First of all, the author did not explain how the result from the study with rhesus monkeys would be able to apply into the conditions of humans. It would be great if that is possible to apply the results into human condition without much consideration because it is always controversial to conduct studies on humans due to ethical consideration of scientific studies. However, the author never delineates any possibilities that could produce significant difference when the results are applied into humans. Even though rhesus monkeys are seen frequently that they are genetically similar to humans, humans are more evolved and possess things that rhesus monkeys do not have such as more complex psychological abilities and ability of cultural acquisition. it is obvious that humans are aware of birth order in our society and family circumstance. it is not certain that rhesus monkeys would be also conscious of their birth order as an individual being. Therefore, it is ambiguous that the level of hormone would increase because of their awareness of birth order or because they are simply facing with an unfamiliar person or monkey. Therefore, the author delineates the borderline between humans and monkey in term of psychological processes and cultural perspective.
Especially in psychological studies, it is important to distinguish behaviors that might seem similar but have totally different implication that those behaviors have. In both observations between humans and monkeys, the author has observed different two behaviors that seem similar but could have different application by those behaviors. First, in rhesus monkey study, the level of cortisol was measured when encountered with an unfamiliar monkey. However, In the case of human, the researchers observed when parents were absent. In order to be consistent in both study, the author should use the same stimulation to produce the most accurate results. it would be possible the first born rhesus monkeys would have shown nothing change in their stress hormone when their parents were absent even though the level of hormone is just increased specifically during facing with an unfamiliar monkeys which behavior may be analyzed in different ways. Additionally, in terms of implication between the two behaviors, the absence of parents are known as a symbol of missing guardians who protect from dangers.
There are also some flaws in the study where the author never depicts some other important factors that could fade out the experimental factors. There are some substantial factors that are strongly related to the stress hormone stimulation such as personality, life experiences, and age. It could be possible that the first-born monkey had vulnerable personalities that are less resistant toward stress stimulations so the study results showed that the effect of birth order exist even though it does not. Also, animals and humans all are similar abilities that they are accustomed within environment they are living. Those life experience regulate their stress hormone as well. Therefore, it is feasible that the mother monkey during the first child pregnancy was more stressed out because she does not have experience with having a child before and would not know what would happen and what kind of feeling she would have during her pregnancy.
In order to rebut any alternative explanations and flaws in the study design and results, the author should consider other factors that could affect the stress hormone regarding the effect of birth order. It should contain certain operation definition of simulating situation so that those different behavior observation can be reasonable in the studies. Also, it should be described how the study with monkeys can be parallel with human behaviors and physiological reactions in stimulating situations.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: ? Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 693 350
No. of Characters: 3668 1500
No. of Different Words: 274 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.131 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.293 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.706 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 281 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 204 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 128 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 101 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.875 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 14.92 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.917 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.315 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.504 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.091 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: The
the author alleges that first-born child wo...
^^^
Line 1, column 167, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... a study with rhesus monkeys showed that firstborn monkey had cortisol hormone up...
^^
Line 3, column 146, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
...to apply into the conditions of humans. it would be great to apply the results int...
^^
Line 3, column 858, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
...es and ability of cultural acquisition. it is obvious for humans that humans are a...
^^
Line 3, column 864, Rule ID: OBVIOUS_FOR[1]
Message: The adjective obvious is normally used with 'to': 'obvious to humans'.
Suggestion: obvious to humans
... ability of cultural acquisition. it is obvious for humans that humans are aware of birth order in...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 960, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
...in our society and family circumstance. it is not certain that rhesus monkeys woul...
^^
Line 5, column 655, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
...n to produce the most accurate results. it would be possible the first born rhesus...
^^
Line 5, column 890, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'monkey'?
Suggestion: monkey
...ically during facing with an unfamiliar monkeys which behavior may be analyzed in diffe...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 619, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this life' or 'Those lives'?
Suggestion: This life; Those lives
...med within environment they are living. Those life experience regulate their stress hormon...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, may, so, therefore, well, in addition, kind of, such as, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 39.0 19.6327345309 199% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 25.0 12.9520958084 193% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 28.0 13.6137724551 206% => Less relative clauses wanted (maybe 'which' is over used).
Pronoun: 50.0 28.8173652695 174% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 77.0 55.5748502994 139% => OK
Nominalization: 20.0 16.3942115768 122% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3600.0 2260.96107784 159% => OK
No of words: 675.0 441.139720559 153% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.33333333333 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.09713273454 4.56307096286 112% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.66007168029 2.78398813304 96% => OK
Unique words: 278.0 204.123752495 136% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.411851851852 0.468620217663 88% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1114.2 705.55239521 158% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 19.7664670659 126% => OK
Sentence length: 27.0 22.8473053892 118% => OK
Sentence length SD: 62.0896126578 57.8364921388 107% => OK
Chars per sentence: 144.0 119.503703932 120% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.0 23.324526521 116% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.0 5.70786347227 70% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 9.0 5.25449101796 171% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.181029621029 0.218282227539 83% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0635332013568 0.0743258471296 85% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0567621923977 0.0701772020484 81% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.117749525506 0.128457276422 92% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0222878501346 0.0628817314937 35% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 17.2 14.3799401198 120% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 35.61 48.3550499002 74% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 15.0 12.197005988 123% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.93 12.5979740519 111% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.34 8.32208582834 100% => OK
difficult_words: 144.0 98.500998004 146% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.0 12.3882235529 105% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.8 11.1389221557 115% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.