The study reveals that rhesus monkeys develop more cortisol if they are the firstborn infant, during the more stimulating circumstances. However I would like to give another substitute explanation which might be a counterpart to the explanation given above.
First of all, the study is only on rhesus monkeys, not any other variety, and it might be plausible that only those monkeys are producing higher cortisol, maybe because they have adapted to be precautious of their predators, and so the firstborn must be more aware of its surroundings since it has got no partners to help him and so maybe its just in their genes that their natural cortisol levels must be high. Nevertheless, we shouldn’t jump to the conclusion that birth order relates to the cortisol levels as proposed by the author.
Secondly, it is also quite natural that a firstborn child will likely be alone in the environment without having any siblings, so he will become more afraid of anything that shows up to him. So their cortisol levels will definitely be high. If there were his siblings with him, he would be less afraid and hence less cortisol would be developed. So it is less likely that it has anything to actually do with their birth order.
Also, the paragraph asserts that firstborn humans also develop higher levels of cortisol in stimulating environments. However there is no example or evidence to back this up, and neither has the author provided any research based results on this, as obviously a more larger number of babies would have to be observed to conclude that their cortisol levels are indeed high. It might also be possible that all humans, whether firstborn or not, develop greater levels of cortisol during a frightening situation. More research needs to be done on this.
And lastly, the fact that first time pregrant monkeys were more stimulated that their counterparts, most probably is not an evidence for the effect of birth order on the monkey’s stimulation. But rather, it is a natural inherent fight or flight situation which makes the monkey think its something harmful and that is why its cortisol levels go up. Once it goes through the process of birth without facing any life threatening problems, it realizes it is nothing harmful and so that fight or flight effect subsides.
Overall, I would like to state that the author has jumped into a conclusion from several misaligned facts and the conclusion can be something rather opposite to that as stated in this argument paragraph.
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Essay evaluation report
here goes the sample arguments:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 422 350
No. of Characters: 2033 1500
No. of Different Words: 198 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.532 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.818 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.562 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 147 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 107 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 73 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.375 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 15.524 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.875 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.337 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.632 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.1 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 138, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...ing the more stimulating circumstances. However I would like to give another substitute...
^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...erpart to the explanation given above. First of all, the study is only on rhesu...
^^^
Line 4, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...isol levels as proposed by the author. Secondly, it is also quite natural that ...
^^^
Line 6, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...to actually do with their birth order. Also, the paragraph asserts that firstbo...
^^^
Line 7, column 119, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...f cortisol in stimulating environments. However there is no example or evidence to back...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 263, Rule ID: MOST_COMPARATIVE[2]
Message: Use only 'larger' (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
Suggestion: larger
...h based results on this, as obviously a more larger number of babies would have to be obser...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 8, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ore research needs to be done on this. And lastly, the fact that first time pre...
^^^
Line 10, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... that fight or flight effect subsides. Overall, I would like to state that the ...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, hence, however, if, lastly, may, nevertheless, second, secondly, so, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 14.0 11.1786427146 125% => OK
Relative clauses : 18.0 13.6137724551 132% => OK
Pronoun: 53.0 28.8173652695 184% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 49.0 55.5748502994 88% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2107.0 2260.96107784 93% => OK
No of words: 421.0 441.139720559 95% => OK
Chars per words: 5.00475059382 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.52971130743 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.69049326572 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 207.0 204.123752495 101% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.491686460808 0.468620217663 105% => OK
syllable_count: 648.9 705.55239521 92% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 1.67365269461 299% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 26.0 22.8473053892 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 85.7654641668 57.8364921388 148% => OK
Chars per sentence: 131.6875 119.503703932 110% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.3125 23.324526521 113% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.8125 5.70786347227 119% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.67664670659 86% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.136793803867 0.218282227539 63% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0540628517231 0.0743258471296 73% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0616607678451 0.0701772020484 88% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0747653903043 0.128457276422 58% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0555160530592 0.0628817314937 88% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.3 14.3799401198 106% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 53.55 48.3550499002 111% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.02 12.5979740519 95% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.23 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 88.0 98.500998004 89% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 18.0 12.3882235529 145% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.4 11.1389221557 111% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.