This group of developers have seemingly found their gold mine. As their arguments suggest, the people of Monroe are true jazz fans. However, the reasons they provide would rather need deeper clarification in order to convince the loan granting organism that theirs is a profitable idea.
While there is no doubt the C-Note could be a great business, there is one unstated assumption that would undoubtedly raise a question among the people granting the loan: would the C-Note be the first jazz club in Monroe? There is one rule in economics that says "there is never money left over the table", meaning that profitable opportunities tend to be exploited as soon as they are available. In this case, the proposed business - which sounds magnific - is either a new possibility or something that would have been tried before (somehow not as successful as expected by the author of the passage).
Another assumption that could reinforce the argument if proven correctly is the popularity of jazz in Monroe. It is difficult to extrapolate the true tastes of people in Monroe from the figures of attendance to its annual jazz festival because those 100,000 people could have been tourists. Indeed, there are a lot of festivals that are designed for a public that is not local: for instance, DJ Guetto offers a concert each year in Cancun, Mexico, but his target audience are not local people but folks from Mexico and Guatemala Cities who enjoy his music and going to Cancun. Furthermore, the fact that 'Jazz Nightly' is the highest-rated radio program in Monroe does not automatically makes jazz a favorite of the people. What if Monroe has only one radio station? That makes 'Jazz Nightly' the only available program for people commuting from work to home; if this is not the case, the argument would be strengthen greatly if proof is provided.
The last and perhaps most important assumption is that the figures of a nationwide study can be used in assessing whether a local business can be successful. In order to strengthen this idea, it would be great to add a comparison of the local to the national income level: is Monroe rather a rich or a poor city, compared to the rest of the nation? This can be easily done, for example, with the data from the Labor Observatory, which publishes a quarterly report on salaries by metropolitan areas of the country.
Thus, as shown above, the argument can be greatly strenghten if the developers provide evidence that such a business has never been tried before in Monroe or that they understand why that previous try failed and how to avoid those poor results. Also, providing proofs that jazz is actually a favorite of the people of Monroe - not merely because of the amount of people who attended an annual festival or the relative popularity of a radio program. Finally, it would be great if the group provides some data on the macroeconomic situation of the city compared to the rest of the country, as they have already made some research on the consumption pattern of jazz fans.
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Essay evaluation report
flaws:
a lot of arguments lost.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 518 350
No. of Characters: 2447 1500
No. of Different Words: 241 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.771 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.724 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.548 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 168 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 117 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 85 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 49 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.778 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.424 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.611 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.32 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.553 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.05 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 687, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[3]
Message: The verb 'does' requires base form of the verb: 'make'
Suggestion: make
...rogram in Monroe does not automatically makes jazz a favorite of the people. What if ...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, finally, first, furthermore, however, if, so, then, thus, while, for example, for instance, no doubt
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 33.0 19.6327345309 168% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 11.1786427146 89% => OK
Relative clauses : 19.0 13.6137724551 140% => OK
Pronoun: 36.0 28.8173652695 125% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 58.0 55.5748502994 104% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 16.3942115768 91% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2521.0 2260.96107784 112% => OK
No of words: 518.0 441.139720559 117% => OK
Chars per words: 4.8667953668 5.12650576532 95% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.77070365392 4.56307096286 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.64858131802 2.78398813304 95% => OK
Unique words: 249.0 204.123752495 122% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.480694980695 0.468620217663 103% => OK
syllable_count: 795.6 705.55239521 113% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 19.7664670659 91% => OK
Sentence length: 28.0 22.8473053892 123% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 62.3020321489 57.8364921388 108% => OK
Chars per sentence: 140.055555556 119.503703932 117% => OK
Words per sentence: 28.7777777778 23.324526521 123% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.72222222222 5.70786347227 118% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 8.20758483034 171% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 6.88822355289 29% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.273150512883 0.218282227539 125% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0844707196166 0.0743258471296 114% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0353015087772 0.0701772020484 50% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.149455932058 0.128457276422 116% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0332288318464 0.0628817314937 53% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.9 14.3799401198 111% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 51.52 48.3550499002 107% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.56 12.5979740519 92% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.68 8.32208582834 104% => OK
difficult_words: 120.0 98.500998004 122% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.2 11.1389221557 119% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.