he following appeared in an article written by Dr. Karp, an anthropologist.
"Twenty years ago, Dr. Field, a noted anthropologist, visited the island of Tertia and concluded from his observations that children in Tertia were reared by an entire village rather than by their own biological parents. However, my recent interviews with children living in the group of islands that includes Tertia show that these children spend much more time talking about their biological parents than about other adults in the village. This research of mine proves that Dr. Field's conclusion about Tertian village culture is invalid and thus that the observation-centered approach to studying cultures is invalid as well. The interview-centered method that my team of graduate students is currently using in Tertia will establish a much more accurate understanding of child-rearing traditions there and in other island cultures."
In the argument above, Dr. karp has written about 2 different results that has been concluded by 2 different method, about rearing children in island of Tertia. in contrast with another anthropologist findings about 20 years ago. in contrast with another anthropologist findings about 20 years ago, in his invetigation he concludes that now children are more influenced by their biological parents than other adults in village, However getting accurate on his argument reveals that he fails to present adequate evidence that based on which the argument could be evaluated, effectively.
First of all, It should be analysed that,there was not any change in children-rearing methods, during last 20 years, in Tertia island. For example, new social networks and medias can affect rearing traditions, or social training for parents which teach them how to behave with their children more, effectively. If such new phenomenons get popular in the island, so it could be concluded that now parents bring up their children in different way and so there was no error in Dr. Field’s method.
The other evidence that is needed is that, does such diffrence in result existed in other cases? If in the same conditions, they implement this methods in other regions and an opposite result has been extracted, it can weaken the authors conclusion that their criterion are more accurate.
Also, the author claimed that their method can be applied in other island cultures and give exact outcomes. To evaluate this claim there should be an evidence which show there are same conditions in other island.
Also, the other evidence is that there is no other reason that justify children talking more about their parents. If there are other factors , like interview questions that lead children to talk more about their parents it could be shown that talking more about parents is not necessarily indicate that they have been grown up by their biological parents.
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Sentence: ... in his invetigation he concludes that now children are more influenced by their biological parents than other adults in village, However getting accurate on his argument reveals that he fails to
Error: invetigation Suggestion: investigation
Sentence: The other evidence that is needed is that, does such diffrence in result existed in other cases?
Error: diffrence Suggestion: difference
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argument 1 -- OK
argument 2 -- not OK
argument 3 -- not OK
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flaws:
You can't put two sentences as one argument. Need to paraphrase the text in the topic which you are going to argue, then give your arguments.
read sample:
http://www.testbig.com/gmatgre-essays/gre-argumentthe-following-appeare…
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 11 15
No. of Words: 318 350
No. of Characters: 1589 1500
No. of Different Words: 153 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.223 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.997 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.543 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 114 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 88 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 56 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 28 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.909 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 17.407 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.727 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.4 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.705 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.128 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5