Last year the number of students who enrolled in online degree programs offered by nearby Omni University increased by 50 percent. During the same year, Omni showed a significant decrease from prior years in expenditures for dormitory and classroom space, most likely because online instruction takes place via the Internet. In contrast, over the past three years, enrollment at Humana University has failed to grow and the cost of maintaining buildings has increased. Thus, to increase enrollment and solve the problem of budget deficits at Humana University, we should initiate and actively promote online degree programs like those at Omni.
The writer of the argument suggests that in order to increase enrollment and solve the problem of budget deficiency, Humana University should promote online degree programs, however, this conclusion cannot be accepted because it relies on a series of unproven and dubious premises that I will delve into them below.
The first problem with the argument is that the writer refers to a statistical result but does not mention the source of information. The author points out that the number of students who have enrolled in online degree programs in Omni University increased by fifty percent during the last year. perhaps Omni University has reported a false or imprecise information to attract more future students by presenting online courses or has a few students that fifty percent of which is negligible in comparison to other universities.
The mere fact that online courses caused drop in expenditures cannot suffice to show that online courses are the most important factor for saving universities’ budget and will decrease the cost of preserving buildings. maybe other factors led to saving money. For example, students who attend to Omni University for traditional courses are more considerate than last years and maintain the university's milieu better than the last year or perhaps advancement in technology has reduced the costs in Omni University.
The third problem with the argument involves a weak analogy. The writer assumes that if Humana university promotes online courses like Omni University, it can decrease it expenditures and have more students. The writer should consider that not all circumstances such as facilities and students are the same in both universities. For example, maybe Humana University loses its high-ranked position by presenting online courses because they do not have enough quality as much as Omni University's online courses. In addition, perhaps students in Humana University are not satisfied with this kind of education, therefore, Humana university will encounter with lots of complaints.
To sum up, the writer's conclusion that is increasing online courses causes decrease in expenditures and increase in enrollment cannot be taken to be correct since, as it was clarified in the body paragraphs above, it depends on a number of assumptions each of which is questionable and challenging. The writer can strengthen his assertion by providing firm evidences that the statics are correct and real, other factors do not affect a decrease in costs and increase in enrollment, and both universities’ conditions are similar from different aspects.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 406 350
No. of Characters: 2154 1500
No. of Different Words: 196 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.489 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.305 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.839 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 180 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 131 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 93 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 61 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 33.833 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 14.82 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.75 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.399 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.657 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.069 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 135, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
... not mention the source of information. The author points out that the number of st...
^^^
Line 5, column 297, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Perhaps
... by fifty percent during the last year. perhaps Omni University has reported a false or...
^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 225, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Maybe
...rease the cost of preserving buildings. maybe other factors led to saving money. For ...
^^^^^
Line 13, column 209, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...it expenditures and have more students. The writer should consider that not all cir...
^^^
Line 17, column 16, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'writers'' or 'writer's'?
Suggestion: writers'; writer's
...lots of complaints. To sum up, the writers conclusion that is increasing online co...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, however, if, may, so, then, therefore, third, for example, in addition, kind of, such as, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 11.1786427146 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 15.0 13.6137724551 110% => OK
Pronoun: 23.0 28.8173652695 80% => OK
Preposition: 54.0 55.5748502994 97% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2215.0 2260.96107784 98% => OK
No of words: 406.0 441.139720559 92% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.45566502463 5.12650576532 106% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.48881294772 4.56307096286 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.99472244017 2.78398813304 108% => OK
Unique words: 199.0 204.123752495 97% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.490147783251 0.468620217663 105% => OK
syllable_count: 711.0 705.55239521 101% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.8 1.59920159681 113% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 14.0 19.7664670659 71% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 29.0 22.8473053892 127% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 79.7744588557 57.8364921388 138% => OK
Chars per sentence: 158.214285714 119.503703932 132% => OK
Words per sentence: 29.0 23.324526521 124% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.92857142857 5.70786347227 139% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.343898001521 0.218282227539 158% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.117817596251 0.0743258471296 159% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.125445326702 0.0701772020484 179% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.188965391172 0.128457276422 147% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0945216617151 0.0628817314937 150% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 18.8 14.3799401198 131% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 25.12 48.3550499002 52% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 17.0 12.197005988 139% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.98 12.5979740519 119% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.2 8.32208582834 111% => OK
difficult_words: 106.0 98.500998004 108% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 18.5 12.3882235529 149% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.6 11.1389221557 122% => OK
text_standard: 19.0 11.9071856287 160% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.