"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
It could be correct to say that the order of birth affects the stimulation levels in an individual whether it is a monkey or human, male or female, but the explanation provided by the author for such results rests on several flaws, gaps and stated/unstated assumptions. This renders the author's line of reasoning weak and unconvincing.
The very fact that this study was conducted on just eighteen rhesus monkeys shows that it cannot be generalised. The kind of claim made by the author requires a significantly large sample of monkeys. The probability of these results being may increase on studying a large sample of monkeys that also include different species of them. Only Rhesus monkey species has been taken into account in the analysis which may be insufficient to gain a deeper insight into the subject of study, and may produce incomplete results. The direct ramification of this is that the author's argument does not have the level of cogency that it needs, but this could be ameliorated by taking the size and type of sample into account.
Another problem with the author's explanation is the absence of a pellucid definition of a stimulating event for a monkey. Just an encounter with another monkey is too specific a case, whereas it could be possible that the first borns have higher cortisol levels due to other factors like the environment in which the monkey is born or the size and weight of the monkey etcetera. A similar reasoning might also be made for human beings when encountering a stimulating situation. This could provide an alternative explanation for the relatively higher cortisol levels of first borns. Furthermore, what if the reason for the first time mother monkeys having high cortisol levels than those with multiple offspring has not been mentioned. What if this happens as an imperative biological event rather than as a reaction to stimuli? Or, what if the intensity of stimuli is more during the birth of the first child only and falls as siblings come along? These questions could add to the missing links in the argument.
Human beings and monkeys may differ in the type of stimulation event. It is not clear as to which events are common in the two subjects or which are mutually exclusive. Returning of a long absent parent may be effective for a human in increasing his/her hormonal levels whereas it may not affect the monkey at all. Clearing the ambiguity in the relation between the results obtained for monkeys and those obtained for humans could provide foster the development of a generalised claim.
Therefore, several alternative explanations are possible for the kind of results obtained in the above study. These alternatives could potentially fill in the gaps and correct the flaws made by the author in his/her argument. The assumptions made by the author are too narrow too be considered for providing a generalisation of the given study.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 489 350
No. of Characters: 2375 1500
No. of Different Words: 226 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.702 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.857 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.687 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 171 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 125 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 83 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 51 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.227 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.793 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.682 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.29 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.502 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.105 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 201, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
... significantly large sample of monkeys. The probability of these results being may ...
^^^
Line 3, column 565, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...direct ramification of this is that the authors argument does not have the level of cog...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 26, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...to account. Another problem with the authors explanation is the absence of a pelluc...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 63, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...he authors explanation is the absence of a pellucid definition of a stimulating e...
^^
Line 5, column 289, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ortisol levels due to other factors like the environment in which the monkey is b...
^^
Line 9, column 277, Rule ID: TOO_TO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'to be'?
Suggestion: to be
...tions made by the author are too narrow too be considered for providing a generalisati...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, if, may, so, therefore, whereas, as to, kind of
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 11.1786427146 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 30.0 28.8173652695 104% => OK
Preposition: 59.0 55.5748502994 106% => OK
Nominalization: 17.0 16.3942115768 104% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2422.0 2260.96107784 107% => OK
No of words: 486.0 441.139720559 110% => OK
Chars per words: 4.98353909465 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.69525374022 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.77511532212 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 228.0 204.123752495 112% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.469135802469 0.468620217663 100% => OK
syllable_count: 765.0 705.55239521 108% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 0.0 4.22255489022 0% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 54.1208473299 57.8364921388 94% => OK
Chars per sentence: 110.090909091 119.503703932 92% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.0909090909 23.324526521 95% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.54545454545 5.70786347227 62% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 11.0 4.67664670659 235% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.24404002841 0.218282227539 112% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0724697818471 0.0743258471296 98% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0712442061702 0.0701772020484 102% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.135084212568 0.128457276422 105% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0733549285896 0.0628817314937 117% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.1 14.3799401198 91% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 49.15 48.3550499002 102% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.6 12.5979740519 92% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.43 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 114.0 98.500998004 116% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.