"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The topic was about a recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys and established a relationship between hormones and body activity. The argument based on unwarranted reasons and flawed for the following reasons.
Primarily, the author conducted a study on the various rhesus monkey and provide information about different situations where they acted in a simulated way. The first flawed is the author does not provide details information about what kind of research conducted on them. It may be possible that the eighteen of them are from different places and they acted differently or maybe they are progenies of the same parents or the same ancestor, so they act in a similar way.
Besides, the author does not give any clear indication about whether the study conducted on the natural habitat of monkeys, for example in the jungle or the monkeys are just lab rats. in a different condition, animals act differently. The author also told that the situation is similar where first born child produces twice the hormone cortisol than younger ones. But, the author does not provide the exact number of monkeys who showed similar characteristics. It may be possible only few progenies of a single mother showed the characteristics. So, it would be an unfeasible conclusion that every monkey show analogous characteristics. Also, the author conducted the study only on eighteen monkeys. So, diversity is in question.
The author also compares human characteristics with the monkey that newborn humans also show similar hormone activity. But the author ignored the situation or ambient where the humans showed similar characteristics. There is no feasible data that proves that hormonal activity similar in the first newborn child. So, it is unwise to compare between them. The author also told that first-time mother monkey had higher cortisol that who had several offspring. Again the author does not provide real data or number of monkeys those who show similar characteristics. If the number is trifle then we can ignore the conclusion.
The argument based on several unwarranted assumption and unfeasible conclusion. The author failed to provide convincing data that prove that the hormone activity is similar in first child and first-time mother also similar characteristics between humans and monkeys. The author should have provided more pragmatic data that convince the readers and provide a feasible conclusion of the argument.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 6 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 386 350
No. of Characters: 2008 1500
No. of Different Words: 159 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.432 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.202 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.784 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 162 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 119 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 71 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 46 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.545 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.283 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.727 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.34 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.389 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.109 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 2 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 139, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a simulated way" with adverb for "simulated"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...t different situations where they acted in a simulated way. The first flawed is the author does no...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 453, Rule ID: IN_A_X_MANNER[1]
Message: Consider replacing "in a similar way" with adverb for "similar"; eg, "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
...rents or the same ancestor, so they act in a similar way. Besides, the author does not give any...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 184, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: In
...ungle or the monkeys are just lab rats. in a different condition, animals act diff...
^^
Line 3, column 503, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... may be possible only few progenies of a single mother showed the characteristics...
^^
Line 4, column 563, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...those who show similar characteristics. If the number is trifle then we can ignore...
^^
Line 5, column 267, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...acteristics between humans and monkeys. The author should have provided more pragma...
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, besides, but, first, if, may, so, then, for example, kind of
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 5.0 12.9520958084 39% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 11.1786427146 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 33.0 55.5748502994 59% => More preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 11.0 16.3942115768 67% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2049.0 2260.96107784 91% => OK
No of words: 386.0 441.139720559 88% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.30829015544 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.43248042346 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.86803010101 2.78398813304 103% => OK
Unique words: 168.0 204.123752495 82% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.435233160622 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 650.7 705.55239521 92% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 22.8473053892 70% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 44.0985320538 57.8364921388 76% => OK
Chars per sentence: 89.0869565217 119.503703932 75% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.7826086957 23.324526521 72% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.86956521739 5.70786347227 50% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 3.0 8.20758483034 37% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 13.0 4.67664670659 278% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.165730493173 0.218282227539 76% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0535419278543 0.0743258471296 72% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0578072507221 0.0701772020484 82% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.102165057205 0.128457276422 80% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.045631030546 0.0628817314937 73% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.0 14.3799401198 83% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 46.78 48.3550499002 97% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.22 12.5979740519 105% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.87 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 84.0 98.500998004 85% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 12.0 12.3882235529 97% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.4 11.1389221557 75% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.