"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The passage above tries to relate the production of hormones and their effects in infant monkeys to the birth order in their families. Based on the study on infant monkeys, it states that firstborn infant monkeys as well as first-time mothers tend to produce relatively higher levels of cortisol during simulating situations than those with siblings (or mothers who have had several offspring). The passage implicates the results these findings to the high levels of production in firstborn humans.
While monkeys and humans show similarities in their behavior in certain aspects, it is doubtful that hormone secretion with respect to external stimulus can be compared. The natural environment to which an infant monkey and a human child is exposed to is inherently different in nature. So as to say, to know how comparable 'encounter with an unfamiliar monkey' and 'return of a parent after an absence' in real life. For example, the former may prove to be a negative stimulus while the latter is most probably a positive stimulus. Moreover, the circumstances that led the to stimuli also plays an important part in how infants react (in both monkeys and humans) and may have an effect on the level of hormones produced as a result. A child seeing its parent after two months will have increased level of activity as compared to a child who is seeing its parent after a day. Similarly, a child being surprised by a parents' visit will react differently than a child expecting his parent to come see him.
Most importantly, the environment in which the monkeys were tested will have an impact on how they respond to these stimulus. Their behavior in a completely natural setting may be different from the one observed in an artificially simulated environment.
Thus, the level of hormones secreted by infants is more dependent on the nature of the external stimulus, the events leading up to it and also the kind of environment that the kid is most prominently exposed to as opposed to the birth order, as suggested by the passage.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 13 15
No. of Words: 343 350
No. of Characters: 1654 1500
No. of Different Words: 170 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.304 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.822 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.673 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 128 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 96 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 63 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 36 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.385 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.195 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.615 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.35 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.567 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.086 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ls of production in firstborn humans. While monkeys and humans show similariti...
^^^^
Line 5, column 288, Rule ID: SO_AS_TO[1]
Message: Use simply 'to'
Suggestion: To
...d to is inherently different in nature. So as to say, to know how comparable encounter w...
^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 111, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this stimulus' or 'these stimuli'?
Suggestion: this stimulus; these stimuli
...l have an impact on how they respond to these stimulus. Their behavior in a completely natural...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, if, may, moreover, similarly, so, thus, well, while, as to, for example, kind of, as a result, as well as, with respect to
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 19.6327345309 61% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 12.9520958084 54% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 19.0 28.8173652695 66% => OK
Preposition: 56.0 55.5748502994 101% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 16.3942115768 49% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1695.0 2260.96107784 75% => OK
No of words: 343.0 441.139720559 78% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.9416909621 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.30351707066 4.56307096286 94% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.73290610252 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 174.0 204.123752495 85% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.507288629738 0.468620217663 108% => OK
syllable_count: 538.2 705.55239521 76% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 13.0 19.7664670659 66% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 26.0 22.8473053892 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 52.2722730761 57.8364921388 90% => OK
Chars per sentence: 130.384615385 119.503703932 109% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.3846153846 23.324526521 113% => OK
Discourse Markers: 10.3846153846 5.70786347227 182% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.25135203403 0.218282227539 115% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0928138685474 0.0743258471296 125% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0723960139314 0.0701772020484 103% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.133993709902 0.128457276422 104% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0529901246206 0.0628817314937 84% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.0 14.3799401198 104% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 45.09 48.3550499002 93% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.4 12.197005988 110% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.67 12.5979740519 93% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.12 8.32208582834 110% => OK
difficult_words: 91.0 98.500998004 92% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.4 11.1389221557 111% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.