The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of Butler Manufacturing.
"During the past year, workers at Butler Manufacturing reported 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than workers at nearby Panoply Industries, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. A recent government study reports that fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers are significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents. If we shorten each of our work shifts by one hour, we can improve Butler Manufacturing's safety record by ensuring that our employees are adequately rested."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
the vice president of Butler manufacturing claimed that due to long hours shift of the company, workers have fatigue and sleep deprivation. solving this problem, based on a conclusion came from the observation of less accident in nearby industries, panoply, he wanted work shifts to be shorten 1 hour so no-the-job accidents decrease. he erroneusly related on-the-job accident to time of shifts because of many
wrong conclusions based on poor resulting.
first of all, he did not mention any reason why 30 percent job accident happen in their company.no such a survey or other information exist to prove that workers have accident because of fatigue or any other reason. so to make a conclusion first he should notice why actually they have more accidents. maybe it is because of old instruments they use or lack of knowledge of their workers. so just comparing by other industries, considering only one factor won`t help to discover the main reason.
secondly, agian no information given about shifts other than we know it is one hour more in butler than panolpy. considering the fact that shift in butler may be three, eight hour shift and two, seven hour shift in panolpy it can`t be said that only because of less rest of workers the catastrophic happens more! it can be because of more shifts not time of shifts that they may be tired and accidents happen. so if any comparison wants to be done, it should consider all factors, with a view to differences.
finally, it is true that if the reason of accident is fatigue, but their is no garranty that with decreasing time of shifts they get enough rest. maybe they spend that extra time to play or talk and even get them selves more tired! and beside we don`t know yet that why more accident happen, although no good comparsion done.
to sum up, the vice president should first find reason of more accident and then suggest a solution. also he should compare two things that are same in all aspects. comparing two different companies with different circumstances is not a good way to make a conclusion. thinking of all these errors in the memo i don`t think decreasing time shift will help.
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Sentence: finally, it is true that if the reason of accident is fatigue, but their is no garranty that with decreasing time of shifts they get enough rest. maybe they spend that extra time to play or talk and even get them selves more tired and beside we dont know yet that why more accident happen, although no good comparsion done.
Description: The fragment accident happen , is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace happen with verb, past tense
Description: The tag a determiner, possessive is not usually followed by is
Suggestion: Refer to their and is
flaws:
Always put a space after punctuation marks. E-rater is sensitive.
Always capitalize the first letter of a sentence.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 6 15
No. of Words: 372 350
No. of Characters: 1732 1500
No. of Different Words: 179 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.392 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.656 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.539 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 113 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 82 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 53 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 37 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.67 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.833 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.481 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.845 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.266 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5