The bar chart depicts the duration of different call types in the U.K from 1995 to 2002. The data has been calibrated in minutes.
It is quite illusive at the first glance that the number of minutes of Local fixed line calls made in 1995 was about 70 million, soaring gradually to reach the peak of 90 million in 1999. Afterwards, it dropped moderately to reach the 1995 figure in 2002.
Contrastingly, time spent on national and international fixed line calls totalled about 40 million in 1995 and constantly rose through the years to reach 60 million in 2002. Similarly, mobile phone calls followed the same trend, equalling 5 million in 1995 and perpetually increasing to reach 45 million in 2002.
To review, local fixed line calls accounted for the most calls in U.K over the 7 year period. The other two categories gained popularity over the years, eventually narrowing the gap among the all three categories.
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Sentence: The other two categories gained popularity over the years, eventually narrowing the gap among the all three categories.
Description: The token the is not usually followed by a determiner/pronoun, pre-quantifier
Suggestion: Refer to the and all
Sentence: Similarly, mobile phone calls followed the same trend, equalling 5 million in 1995 and perpetually increasing to reach 45 million in 2002.
Error: equalling Suggestion: equaling
flaws:
Need some varieties in sentences and content. Don't just make changes in verbs. Read the requirements for task I:
'Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.'
for example, this will be better for mobile calls:
'There was a dramatic increase in mobile calls from 2 billion lo 46 billion minutes. This rise was particularly noticeable between 1999 and 2002, during which time the use of mobile phones tripled.'
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 8 10
No. of Words: 159 200
No. of Characters: 739 1000
No. of Different Words: 97 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.551 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.648 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.585 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 42 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 35 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 23 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 18 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.875 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.536 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.25 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.443 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.749 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.147 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 4