The two graphs below show the percentage of smokers and the consumptions of alcohol in litres in selected countries, for the period 1960 - 2000. Summarize the information by choosing and reporting the key features, and make any relevant comparisons.
The graphs illustrate the proportion of smokers and alcohol consumers in developed countries. The upper line graph shows the percentage of smokers in USA, Japan and Holland, and the below one represents the portion of alcohol that citizens consumed in Turkey, Holland and USA during fourty years, from 1960 to 2000.
In general, it is clearly seen that the general trend on the upper graph was downwards, but USA was the highest which reached 60% of the population who smoke everyday. While, the below one reported that Holland was the top of the amount of alcohol which reached almost 12 litres per citizens in 1980.
In the first line graph, it is represented the percentage of smokers in USA remained stable during the first ten years, from 1960 to 1970 that is 60% of their population are smokers. In contrast, Japan and Holland were fell slightly from 1960 to 1980, and the portion were 50% for Japan and 40% for Holland in 1980. While USA was declined dramatically in the second ten years period, from 1970 to 1980. After all, Japan and USA were equally fell slightly, and Holland reported fell steadily towards 2000.
Interestingly, in the second line graph, in Holland, the portion of alcohol rose sharply until 1980, then decrease steadily in 1990, and it remained stable towards 2000 with consume approximately 10 litres per consumers. Similarly, it also happened to USA which increased the the proportion of alcohol consumers during first twenty years, and it decreased steadily towards 2000. While Turkey was the lowest rate which per citizens consumed alcohol not higher than 2 litres.
After all, it can be concluded that in the upper graph from 1960 until 2000 the percentage of smokers in developed countries were decrease, and the below one reported that three countries had reach the highest portion of consuming alcohol in 1980.
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| 2014-01-28 | Dista Gustiara | 80 | view |
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Sentence: In general, it is clearly seen that the general trend on the upper graph was downwards, but USA was the highest which reached 60 of the population who smoke everyday.
Description: The fragment was downwards , is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace downwards with adjective
Sentence: While, the below one reported that Holland was the top of the amount of alcohol which reached almost 12 litres per citizens in 1980.
Description: The fragment the below one is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace below with adjective
Sentence: In contrast, Japan and Holland were fell slightly from 1960 to 1980, and the portion were 50 for Japan and 40 for Holland in 1980.
Description: The fragment and the portion is not usually followed by were
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace were with was
Sentence: After all, Japan and USA were equally fell slightly, and Holland reported fell steadily towards 2000.
Description: A verb, past tense is not usually followed by a verb, past tense
Suggestion: Refer to reported and fell
Sentence: Interestingly, in the second line graph, in Holland, the portion of alcohol rose sharply until 1980, then decrease steadily in 1990, and it remained stable towards 2000 with consume approximately 10 litres per consumers.
Description: A preposition is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to with and consume
Sentence: Similarly, it also happened to USA which increased the the proportion of alcohol consumers during first twenty years, and it decreased steadily towards 2000.
Description: The token the is not usually followed by an article
Suggestion: Refer to the and the
Sentence: The upper line graph shows the percentage of smokers in USA, Japan and Holland, and the below one represents the portion of alcohol that citizens consumed in Turkey, Holland and USA during fourty years, from 1960 to 2000.
Error: fourty Suggestion: forty
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
Read a good grammar book.
No. of Words: 310 200
Write the essay in 20 minutes.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 12 10
No. of Words: 310 200
No. of Characters: 1495 1000
No. of Different Words: 118 100
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.196 4.0
Average Word Length: 4.823 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.408 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 104 60
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 84 50
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 48 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 27 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.833 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.254 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.833 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.436 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.685 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.095 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 4