Many young people find it difficult to get a job nowadays. People should be made to retire from work when they reach 55 to give younger people a chance.To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Essay topics:

Many young people find it difficult to get a job nowadays. People should be made to retire from work when they reach 55 to give younger people a chance.
To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Nowadays, people are struggling to find a job in a period of crisis with the well-known subprime crisis in 2008. While youth are trying to get a profession, old people are tending to stay for longer at their job. Some people tend to think that governments must establish a law where people should leave their place at the age of 55 to give younger people more chances. Conversely, some individuals argue that states should not be interventionist. While I understand arguments to retire old people when they reach 55, I think that states don’t have to be interventionist, and I favour the setting-up of a wide range of measures to help the younger to find a job.

It is obvious that retiring people aged of 55 and more from work will be very beneficial for young people. Indeed, companies will need workers, and will recruit the vast majority of graduates. Besides, more responsabilities will be given to the youth with the departure of the oldest employees who are, undeniably, the more competent. One need only look at the qualifications that have the oldest : they managed people and work in a company or institution for 35 years or more. There is no doubt that young employees will have the opportunity to develop a wide range of skills owing to the lack of experienced people. In light of the above factors, senior citizens must be helped to save money every month to be ready when they reach 55 years old, and to establish their own business !

As far I am concerned, I am sure that instituting a law to force the older citizens to retire from work is not a good idea, given that a government should support citizen to have good living conditions and protect their interest. That is why I think that everybody ought to be considered equally, and that priority should be given to convince companies to recruit more and more employees, by decreasing tax level for the latter who are hiring young graduates. The action above will help everybody by supporting hiring. The vast majority of the population can be affected and more equality is created among the citizen. In the former measure, people without job are at the centre of the attention.

In summary, solutions to help the youth finding a job are highly complex. I am convinced that forcing old people to leave their job is not the best action that can be made, whereas supporting every jobless people finding a job is the best alternative.

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Average: 7 (1 vote)
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2015-04-29 ieltsFR 70 view

Comments

While youth are trying to get a profession
While the youths are trying to get a profession

Sentence: Nowadays, people are struggling to find a job in a period of crisis with the well-known subprime crisis in 2008.
Error: subprime Suggestion: ?

Sentence: Besides, more responsabilities will be given to the youth with the departure of the oldest employees who are, undeniably, the more competent.
Error: responsabilities Suggestion: responsibilities

flaws:
No. of Words: 421 while No. of Different Words: 190

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 1 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 421 350
No. of Characters: 1936 1500
No. of Different Words: 190 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.53 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.599 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.638 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 128 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 86 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 58 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 44 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.389 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.106 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.319 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.501 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.074 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5

Thank you very much for your correction. I want to ask you another question : how can I get 7 or 7.5 in this essay. More vocabulary ? Less errors ? Because I got 6.5 before, and really want a 7 or 7.5.

Moreover, what does it mean "Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12", "Sentence Length SD: 10.106 7.5 ", "Word Length SD: 2.638 2.4".

Thank you in advance