Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teacher

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Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

These days, it is true that the rate of violent crimes is increasing among teenagers. This is supported by the study contending that this is due to lack of social and emotional education given by their parents and school teachers. In my opinion, I also agree with this idea.

Nowadays, teachers only seem to be interested in children’s school subjects rather than teaching social and emotional aspects. They tend to pay more attention to their pupils’ grades than their pattern of behaviour, and encourage a competition among them for obtaining higher marks in tests. With the absence of care for them, in terms of looking at how well they get along with their friends and emotional state, students will release their stress in an inappropriate way. They will emit their pent-up emotions over their peers in the way of violence due to lack of skills to control their emotions.

Parents are responsible for the increase in violent crime among minors. These days, the number of both parents working is seeing an upward trend. The increase in the working hours of both mother and father is associated with the rise in crimes committed by their offspring. Parents are too busy spending their time at workplace and this leads them to becoming too lenient with regard to discipline when their children misbehave. Furthermore, they are not only permissive, but also careless that they pay insufficient attention to their children’s social relations and emotions due to lack of time. With the exception of care at home, youngsters are more likely to be exposed to crimes.

In conclusion, I believe that the rate of crimes among teenagers happened to rise owing to lack of appropriate care that should be provided by their parent and teachers.

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due to lack of social and emotional education
due to the lack of social and emotional education

They tend to pay more attention to their pupils’ grades than their pattern of behaviour, and encourage a competition among them for obtaining higher marks in tests.
Description: 'them' refers to what? Be sensitive to use pronoun.

due to lack of skills to control their emotions.
due to the lack of skills to control their emotions.

flaws:
Be sensitive to use pronoun.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.0 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
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Number of Paragraphs: 4 5