There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is difficult to imagine life without music, it is like having a shower without water. Music is truly inseparable, an essential part of our life and will continue throughout time. We cannot deny the fact that people can master any given task, regardless of age through music. A good example of this are young children who can master the alphabet and counting by singing nursery rhymes.In addition, music is an art, it is an expression of one's soul and emotion. Without music human life would be extremely dull and a miserable death of silence.
As regards, to the importance between traditional music of a country and international music that we commonly encountered today. I would argue that traditional music is more vital compared to the foreign music, for a number of reasons.
Although, it is hard to compete the fact that international music is very entertaining and influential around the globe, people in other parts of the world have become one, verbally and physically through foreign music, such as people from developing countries with different languages can sing a song of Michael Jackson, copy the hairstyle of Justin Bieber, perform the moves of Madonna and mimic the fashion style of Lady Gaga.
However, for me I believe that traditional music is more meaningful and should be patronized more especially by the younger generation, because, traditional music is rich in culture it represents history, beliefs, and customs of any given country. A fading traditional music is like losing one's own culture, our very own language vanishing. Which is a real dilemma particularly for younger citizens.
Furthermore, every one should have the knowledge of their history, origin and culture because having these things are the true essence of identity which makes us unique and standout amongst the rest.
Based on my experience, My grandparents used to share their favorite song collection with me and because of that, I learned from a very early age the richness in culture of traditional music
In conclusion, traditional music is meaningful and it is a representation of the civilization of one's country. I believe we should encourage the youth to listen more to the traditional music of their land and be able to realize the richness of their own culture and traditions, which is necessary for self actualization.
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Sentence: A good example of this are young children who can master the alphabet and counting by singing nursery rhymes.In addition, music is an art, it is an expression of one's soul and emotion.
Description: A determiner/pronoun, singular is not usually followed by a verb 'to be', present tense, 2nd person singular or all
Suggestion: Refer to this and are
flaws:
Number of Paragraphs: 7 5
Not well organized. Better to give 4-5 paragraphs:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1
para 3: reason 2
para 4: reason 3 (optional)
para 5: conclusion
or:
para 1: introduction
para 2: idea one.
para 3: however, idea two
para 4: in my opinion...
Don't start to develop ideas from the introduction paragraph.
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Category: Good Excellent
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No. of Words: 384 350
No. of Characters: 1904 1500
No. of Different Words: 202 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.427 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.958 4.6
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Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
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Number of Paragraphs: 7 5