Iam learning for Ielts by myself without any instructors. Please help me correct my essay ( Writting task 2).Thank all of U very much

Essay topics:

Iam learning for Ielts by myself without any instructors. Please help me correct my essay ( Writting task 2).
Thank all of U very much

When designing a building, the most important factor is the intended use of the building rather than its outward appearance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that designers should mainly pay attention to using the purpose of building in lieu of its designing external appearance. However, I strongly disagree with this view because both these characteristics are necessary for building construction.
Firstly, it is obvious that almost all people nowadays are likely to be impressed by what has gorgeous out looking and this case is no exception. For instance, a shop which owns facade with an enormous glass window and an attractive display will undoubtedly entice shoppers to go in. On the other hand, the style of architecture tends to shift due to modernization. High-rise apartment blocks are gradually replacing old buildings, renewing the look of the whole area. Some people consider that the loss of traditional cultures is an inevitable consequence of globalization. Therefore, research on the trend of users should be implemented in order to serve designing exterior of the building most efficiently.
It is also true that specific function determination of the building is a fairly crucial step. The designers will base on that to find out what style of architecture is appropriate for the building. In fact, for people with modern and extrovert lifestyle, especially the young, residing in large and multi-story houses accompanied by costly furniture and being full of conveniences is certainly their cup of tea. Meanwhile, the elderly have a tendency to live at tranquil and fresh places.
In conclusion, I believe that outward appearance is as vital as the function of the building. Thus designers should combine those factors reasonably to bring much efficiency for construction.
(252 words)

Votes
Average: 1.1 (1 vote)
This essay topic by users
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2019-03-02 Nguyễn Thành Công 11 view

Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 6, column 95, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Thus,
... vital as the function of the building. Thus designers should combine those factors ...
^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, firstly, however, if, look, so, therefore, thus, while, for instance, in conclusion, in fact, on the other hand

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 13.1623246493 114% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 5.0 7.85571142285 64% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 10.4138276553 67% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 7.30460921844 110% => OK
Pronoun: 18.0 24.0651302605 75% => OK
Preposition: 41.0 41.998997996 98% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 8.3376753507 180% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1555.0 1615.20841683 96% => OK
No of words: 291.0 315.596192385 92% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.34364261168 5.12529762239 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.13022058845 4.20363070211 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.07844327225 2.80592935109 110% => OK
Unique words: 182.0 176.041082164 103% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.625429553265 0.561755894193 111% => OK
syllable_count: 477.0 506.74238477 94% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.60771543086 100% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 5.43587174349 74% => OK
Article: 5.0 2.52805611222 198% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.10420841683 48% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 0.809619238477 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.76152304609 84% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 16.0721442886 100% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 20.2975951904 89% => OK
Sentence length SD: 43.4781096733 49.4020404114 88% => OK
Chars per sentence: 97.1875 106.682146367 91% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.1875 20.7667163134 88% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.75 7.06120827912 110% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 4.38176352705 114% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.01903807615 20% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.67935871743 115% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 3.9879759519 125% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 3.4128256513 59% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0445502099554 0.244688304435 18% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0125350827723 0.084324248473 15% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0194242368271 0.0667982634062 29% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0260407079305 0.151304729494 17% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0177316575206 0.056905535591 31% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.8 13.0946893788 98% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 53.21 50.2224549098 106% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.44779559118 118% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 11.3001002004 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.69 12.4159519038 110% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.09 8.58950901804 106% => OK
difficult_words: 84.0 78.4519038076 107% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 7.5 9.78957915832 77% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 10.1190380762 91% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 10.7795591182 93% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.

Rates: 11.2359550562 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.