Money is very important in our lives. In fact, it is needed for every single activity. There are people that even have died, in their adventure to get money. My grandmother used to say that "life is not about money", and I agree with her, because there are things that money cannot buy such as spiritual feelings. I don't agree with the statement that only people who ear a lot of money are successful, and I think in this way for two important reasons.
In the first place, money may buy material things, but not satisfaction. There are many people that have money to buy everything that they wish, but they are not happy. They gathered millions of dollars and still they want to get more. They keep working in the same way everyday, but they don't realize that time cannot comeback. For instance, they don't take time for themselves and their families. As a result, after many years they discover that is too late to recover the time that they invested searching for money. Thus, success have a broad definition, even each person has his or her own concept. To be successful is to be happy with the things that you already have.
Another noteworthy aspect of this ongoing explanation is that people who make a lot of money work under many pressure. As a matter of fact, pressure evokes stress, and as we know this is one of the principal causes of heart attack. Indeed, some scientific studies reveals that 6 out of 10 entrepreneurs have blood pressure problems due to their life style. So, when I mention life style I meant that they worry more than a normal person who works as employee in a company. As we can see, money doesn't make people free.
To sum up, to be successful meant to be satisfied with the things that you do, rather than getting huge amounts of money doing something that doesn't t make you happy. I encourage students who are still thinking about their future careers, to choose careers based your experience, rather than money.
- tpo.20 integrated 78
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- TOEFL integrated writing: The sea otter 70
- Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Only people who earn a lot of money are successful. 80
There are people that even have died,
There are people who even have died,
There are many people that have money
There are many people who have money
they discover that is too late to recover
they discover that it is too late to recover
Thus, success have a broad definition
Thus, success has a broad definition
some scientific studies reveals that
some scientific studies reveal that
I encourage students who are still thinking about their future careers,
Description: why 'students'?
flaws:
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 23 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 354 350
No. of Characters: 1552 1500
No. of Different Words: 184 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.338 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.384 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.283 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 88 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 60 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 41 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 23 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.7 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.664 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.65 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.299 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.471 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.125 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5