Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: primary schools should spend more time on teaching young students (5-11 years old) technology (like computer) than teaching music and art.
Primary schools provide lots of diverse subjects for young students. This will raise the question of whether primary schools should spend more time eaching young students technology than teaching music and art. In my opinion, I agree with the statement.
First of all, primary schools should take more time on teaching students technology because it could culture more technological professionals for economic development. Take Hsinchu city as an example. In the 1960s, this city once was just a rural and destitute area. However, in the 1980s, the Taiwanese government decided to introduce the industry into Hsinchu city. Thus, the local government chose to invest more funds into technological education in primaryschools. With this revolution, It could intrigue some students to commit themselves to these fields, such as semiconductor or software. In contrast, if the local government hadn’t decided to establish these educational programs, it might not have had these big enterprises, like TSMC or Media Tek, which were top-notch companies in the world.
Second, music and art could be provided by cram schools, however, the technology could be only taught by professional teachers. Taipei city will be a suitable example. In the 1980s, the local government decided to create both technological classes and music classes for students. However, the local government discovered that there were many different types of private educational institutes teaching lots of skills, such as piano or dance. Thus, the government chose to reduce the financial support for musical classes and put more budgets into technological classes, such as self-driving cars or robots, which interested the young students greatly. By contrast, if the local government made a decision to spend a good deal of funds on art and music, it might not have received the terrific effect.
To sum up, these are the two reasons why I agree with the statement. On one hand, we could generate more technological professionals for economic expansion. On the other hand, technological education could only be offered by schools.
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 86, Rule ID: WHETHER[3]
Message: Wordiness: Shorten this phrase to the shortest possible suggestion.
Suggestion: whether; the question whether
...cts for young students. This will raise the question of whether primary schools should spend more time ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 163, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'students'' or 'student's'?
Suggestion: students'; student's
...ls should spend more time eaching young students technology than teaching music and art....
^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 338, Rule ID: NUMEROUS_DIFFERENT[1]
Message: Use simply 'many'.
Suggestion: many
...l government discovered that there were many different types of private educational institutes...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, however, if, second, so, thus, in contrast, such as, first of all, in my opinion, to sum up, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 8.0 15.1003584229 53% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 9.8082437276 122% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 13.8261648746 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 3.0 11.0286738351 27% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 17.0 43.0788530466 39% => OK
Preposition: 38.0 52.1666666667 73% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 8.0752688172 173% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1780.0 1977.66487455 90% => OK
No of words: 328.0 407.700716846 80% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.42682926829 4.8611393121 112% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.25567506705 4.48103885553 95% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.93610699248 2.67179642975 110% => OK
Unique words: 170.0 212.727598566 80% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.518292682927 0.524837075471 99% => OK
syllable_count: 541.8 618.680645161 88% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.51630824373 112% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 9.59856630824 83% => OK
Article: 6.0 3.08781362007 194% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 3.51792114695 57% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.86738351254 0% => OK
Preposition: 11.0 4.94265232975 223% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 20.6003584229 92% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 20.1344086022 84% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 51.9418490109 48.9658058833 106% => OK
Chars per sentence: 93.6842105263 100.406767564 93% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.2631578947 20.6045352989 84% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.15789473684 5.45110844103 113% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.5376344086 54% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 11.8709677419 76% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 0.0 3.85842293907 0% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.88709677419 205% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.28941713857 0.236089414692 123% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0886786239309 0.076458572812 116% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.106761556452 0.0737576698707 145% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.214409089751 0.150856017488 142% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.139703414534 0.0645574589148 216% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.8 11.7677419355 109% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 45.76 58.1214874552 79% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 10.1575268817 109% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.92 10.9000537634 128% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.19 8.01818996416 102% => OK
difficult_words: 77.0 86.8835125448 89% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 6.0 10.002688172 60% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 8.8 10.0537634409 88% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 10.247311828 88% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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We are expecting: No. of Words: 350 while No. of Different Words: 200
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 60.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 18.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.