Imagine that you are preparing for a trip. You plan to be away from your home for a year. In addition to clothing and personal care items, you can take one additional thing. What would you take and why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice
When you go to a trip, you will need a lot of stuff rather than your clothes or your personal care items. It mainly depend on the place that you are going to. In my view, I believe that I will need my laptop with me for two important reasons.
The main reason is that my laptop contain all the important documants, that I may need in my trip. We live now in a technology’s era,and we depend on our technology to do everythings. One of the important technology that we use in daily basis is the laptop and I couldn’t spend one day without using it. For example, Last month, I went in a trip to California, and I live in New jersey. I took my laptop with me in this trip. The trip took eight hours to reach its distination. While I was waiting there, I was using my laptop to do different things, I paid my bills, I played games, and even I watched a movie because my p.c. was connecting to the airplane wifi, thanks to the technology. When I was in California, it was so easy to me to manage my bank account and type any documant that I need while I am faraway from my home.
Second, you will need your laptop to connect to others. While you are abroad, you will need to talk to your family, friends, or your co-workers; and the best way is by doing chat on your laptop. For example, when I was in college, In my country Iraq. I went in a trip with my friends to Egypt, for two weeks. I talked with my mother in daily bases, while I was there,using program called skype on my laptop. Also, I posted all the picture that we took in our trip[on my facebook, and that make me connected to all my friends at the same time. As you could see, I wouldn’t be able to talk to my mother and do long chats with her without using my laptop.
In conclusion, I believe that there are many things that we should take with us in a long trip rather than clothes, but the most important thing is our laptop. Not only does it contain all the important documents and we use it in daily bases. But it also important to connect with others. That’s why we should all see the obvious benefits of our laptops and appreciate it existence.
- tpo ex. 80
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- tpo7 70
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It mainly depend on the place that you are going to.
It mainly depends on the place where you are going to.
my laptop contain all the important documants
my laptop contains all the important documents
One of the important technology
One of the important technologies
Sentence: The main reason is that my laptop contain all the important documants, that I may need in my trip.
Error: documants Suggestion: documents
Sentence: We live now in a technology's era,and we depend on our technology to do everythings.
Error: everythings Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: The trip took eight hours to reach its distination.
Error: distination Suggestion: distinction
Sentence: When I was in California, it was so easy to me to manage my bank account and type any documant that I need while I am faraway from my home.
Error: documant Suggestion: document
Sentence: Also, I posted all the picture that we took in our tripon my facebook, and that make me connected to all my friends at the same time.
Error: tripon Suggestion: No alternate word
flaws:
Some duplicate words or sentences. Look:
No. of Words: 415 while No. of Different Words: 184
Can you try to practice putting subject other than 'I', 'you','it'? Look, over 80% of the sentences start with subject 'I', 'you','it'.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 21 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 3 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 415 350
No. of Characters: 1645 1500
No. of Different Words: 184 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.513 4.7
Average Word Length: 3.964 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.199 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 93 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 55 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 28 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 23 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.864 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.176 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.591 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.372 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.511 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.236 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5