Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea?
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
It is critically important for parents to keep their children motivated during school years. In this regard, some would suggest that offering money would be a good way in order to keep the children enthusiastic, yet others disagree with this, saying that this is not a good idea and would definitely have a negative impact on children. I would argue that giving money for a high grade would have a negative impact on them. I feel this way for two main reasons which I will explore in the following essay.
To begin with, by giving money as a motivation to children, they will always expect something nice after every responsibility to which they are entitled. In other words, they will lose their internal motivation for study, not willing to accomplish their study for its own sake, instead, they will study in order to attract others' attention. Therefore, they will always need external motivation and encouragement from others. Moreover, through time, their expectation will grow and they would need a great deal of money to satisfy their desire. My personal experience is a compelling illustration for this when my little sister does not pay attention to subjects at school and my father had promised her that if she gets a good GPA, he will give her money to buy herself whatever she wanted to. In the end, my sister got used to this behavior, and she would not study for her exams unless there was a reward promised from my father.
Furthermore, it is no secret to anyone that, not all of the students at school have a wealthy family in order to provide their children money for each high mark. So, not only they would lose their motivation for study, but also they would consider themselves excluded from society and this can raise aggressive behavior in children as well. For example, when I was in elementary school, I have a friend who was a talented and hard work student, but after a while, she completely has changed and quit the school since for every good grade most of the students of the class would get a big present or money, but her family could barely support themselves financially, which has a detrimental effect on her.
In conclusion, as far as I am concerned, giving money to children for getting high marks would have a negative impact on them. Not only they would lose their internal motivation for study, but also it will raise their expectation over time. On top of that, not all families are in a good condition financially to give money as a reward, so it will hurt other students who are not wealthy.
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 66, Rule ID: ADVERB_WORD_ORDER[10]
Message: The adverb 'always' is usually put between 'will' and 'expect'.
Suggestion: will always expect
...money as a motivation to children, they always will expect something nice after every responsibili...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 50, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
...re, it is no secret to anyone that, not all of the students at school have a wealthy famil...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, furthermore, if, moreover, so, therefore, thus, well, while, for example, i feel, in conclusion, in other words, to begin with, on top of that
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 15.1003584229 73% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 25.0 9.8082437276 255% => Less auxiliary verb wanted.
Conjunction : 14.0 13.8261648746 101% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 11.0286738351 118% => OK
Pronoun: 62.0 43.0788530466 144% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 50.0 52.1666666667 96% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 8.0752688172 161% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2109.0 1977.66487455 107% => OK
No of words: 446.0 407.700716846 109% => OK
Chars per words: 4.72869955157 4.8611393121 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.5955099915 4.48103885553 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.54107898077 2.67179642975 95% => OK
Unique words: 214.0 212.727598566 101% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.479820627803 0.524837075471 91% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 647.1 618.680645161 105% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 14.0 9.59856630824 146% => OK
Article: 0.0 3.08781362007 0% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 3.51792114695 57% => OK
Conjunction: 6.0 1.86738351254 321% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 8.0 4.94265232975 162% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 20.6003584229 78% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 27.0 20.1344086022 134% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 72.833044312 48.9658058833 149% => OK
Chars per sentence: 131.8125 100.406767564 131% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.875 20.6045352989 135% => OK
Discourse Markers: 9.5625 5.45110844103 175% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.5376344086 36% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 11.8709677419 84% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 3.85842293907 130% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.88709677419 20% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.309078871791 0.236089414692 131% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.114917558713 0.076458572812 150% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.051907407018 0.0737576698707 70% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.21045182259 0.150856017488 140% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0484956030668 0.0645574589148 75% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.8 11.7677419355 126% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 52.53 58.1214874552 90% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.6 10.1575268817 124% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.45 10.9000537634 96% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.6 8.01818996416 95% => OK
difficult_words: 74.0 86.8835125448 85% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 10.002688172 110% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.8 10.0537634409 127% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 10.247311828 127% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 76.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 23.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.