The majority of people who are in their early to mid-twenties think that it is not necessary for parents to offer their school-age children money for each high grade they get in school. They support that it makes their children to get a wrong path with money, such as addiction to PC café. However, the notion does not reflect the stance that I hold and should not be thought about in a different light. I believe that it is necessary for parents to offer their children who are school-age money for each high grade they get in school. This is because they are able to share academic information with friends and enjoy a better quality of life.
First of all, parents’ offering money to their school-age children for each high grade enables their children to share academic information with friends. To be specific, children with money allow making more friends than without money, which as a results they are able to train themselves by means of their money as a leader of their group and also share their information among the group. Money is the most powerful weapon in today’s modern society which enables people to do everything they want. Children can do this better by sharing their experience and information. For example, So gang lee, who is the founder of the saranha that is a leading corporation of Korea, have made great accomplishments in his lifetime. I read online that he was very successful student because he has opened group with his friends in order to share information related to academic matters. It was funded by pocket money from his parents. It made him to be top student of his school and now become the founder of one corporation in Korea. Thus, it proves that it is necessary for parents to offer their children who are school-age money for each high grade they get in school because they are able to share academic information with their friends.
Moreover, parents’ offer money to their school-age children allows their children to relieve their stress. In addition, they are able to enjoy a better quality of life, which makes them to experience what they want to do before and fulfill their life. Stress is the main cause of disease, shorter their life span, and dissatisfying life in general. With money from their parents, they are able to relieve stress. For example, when I was an elementary student, my parents forced me to do study only without any pocket money. However, my friend, young soo, goes around anywhere what she wants with her pocket money from her parents. At that time, her grade was almost same as me. However, after done what she wanted, she was able to focus on her study than before. In next test, she got better score than me. I realized that it is important to relieve stress for myself and for this, pocket money from parents is required.
To sum up, I believe that pocket money from parents is necessary for children to get better score : their children are able to share academic information among friends and relieve their stress using money. Consequently, the importance of my view cannot be underestimated in that it can kill two birds with one stone for the reasons I have mentioned above.
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Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 250, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[1]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'a result' or simply 'results'?
Suggestion: a result; results
...re friends than without money, which as a results they are able to train themselves by me...
^^^^^^^^^
Discourse Markers used:
['also', 'consequently', 'first', 'however', 'if', 'moreover', 'so', 'thus', 'for example', 'in addition', 'in general', 'such as', 'as a result', 'first of all', 'to sum up']
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance in Part of Speech:
Nouns: 0.239024390244 0.229887763892 104% => OK
Verbs: 0.157723577236 0.158761421928 99% => OK
Adjectives: 0.079674796748 0.0866891130778 92% => OK
Adverbs: 0.0341463414634 0.046263068375 74% => OK
Pronouns: 0.113821138211 0.0685040099705 166% => Less pronouns wanted. Try not to use 'you, I, they, he...' as the subject of a sentence
Prepositions: 0.134959349593 0.118717715034 114% => OK
Participles: 0.0243902439024 0.0351676179071 69% => OK
Conjunctions: 2.51038928078 2.67179642975 94% => OK
Infinitives: 0.0455284552846 0.0309702414327 147% => OK
Particles: 0.00162601626016 0.00188951952338 86% => OK
Determiners: 0.0471544715447 0.0887237588012 53% => OK
Modal_auxiliary: 0.00650406504065 0.0209618222197 31% => OK
WH_determiners: 0.019512195122 0.0139019557991 140% => OK
Vocabulary words and sentences:
No of characters: 3174.0 2387.08602151 133% => OK
No of words: 551.0 408.028673835 135% => OK
Chars per words: 5.76043557169 5.86048508987 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.84493438435 4.48200974243 108% => OK
words length more than 5 chars: 0.312159709619 0.338922669872 92% => OK
words length more than 6 chars: 0.228675136116 0.251872472559 91% => OK
words length more than 7 chars: 0.141560798548 0.174417080927 81% => OK
words length more than 8 chars: 0.0762250453721 0.112833075102 68% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.51038928078 2.67179642975 94% => OK
Unique words: 220.0 212.727598566 103% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.399274047187 0.524397521467 76% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
Word variations: 46.4758981715 59.2087087015 78% => OK
How many sentences: 26.0 20.6684587814 126% => OK
Sentence length: 21.1923076923 20.5533526081 103% => OK
Sentence length SD: 49.1825484997 48.84282405 101% => OK
Chars per sentence: 122.076923077 120.699889404 101% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.1923076923 20.5533526081 103% => OK
Discourse Markers: 0.576923076923 0.644075263715 90% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.5376344086 88% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.54480286738 18% => OK
Readability: 44.0598213039 45.7405998639 96% => OK
Elegance: 1.30319148936 1.45489161554 90% => OK
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.345086782557 0.300154397459 115% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence: 0.137033519173 0.103427244359 132% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence SD: 0.100786850075 0.0752933317313 134% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence: 0.446618572634 0.497263757937 90% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence SD: 0.161166551966 0.151897553556 106% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.134549988776 0.114077575197 118% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.110051983733 0.0781384742642 141% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence: 0.522094044349 0.336927656856 155% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence SD: 0.0990614323413 0.067059652881 148% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.266366226896 0.210909579961 126% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0775627401109 0.0618886996521 125% => OK
Task Achievement:
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 11.8870967742 118% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 3.86379928315 155% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.91756272401 122% => OK
Positive topic words: 11.0 8.42114695341 131% => OK
Negative topic words: 6.0 2.4623655914 244% => OK
Neutral topic words: 5.0 2.75985663082 181% => OK
Total topic words: 22.0 13.6433691756 161% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
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Less content wanted. Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: This is not the final score. The e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.