TOEFL integrated writing: Altruism
The passages states that the altruistic acts are common among humans and other mammals and it provides several examples, on basis of which the claim can be supported. However the lecture opposes the claim.
First, the passage provides an example of meerkats, an individual of which acts as guard looking out for a predator, while the rest members of the group are hunting or actually eating. Being a guard, the individual does not get any food and remains hungry. It looks like a clear example of altruism. However, the professor provides some recent findings, which prove the opposite. It was proven that the one who plays a role of guard actually eats before. In case of danger, the guard can escape much easier that the rest of the group. Hence, those animals, which are looking for food are in more danger that the guard. The behavior of the animal does not look like altruism.
Second, the article states that a donation of body organs is pure altruism, because people who donate actually benefit others. To oppose this statement, the professor provides an example of donation of kidney, saying that the donor receives appreciation from other people. The reward is considered valuable for some people. In other words, people's acts might look like altruism, but in fact those acts are performed to get some benefits.
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- TOEFL integrated writing: Altruism 80
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- What changes you would do in your school and why? 70
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 14, Rule ID: AGREEMENT_SENT_START[1]
Message: You should probably use 'state'.
Suggestion: state
The passages states that the altruistic acts are common amo...
^^^^^^
Line 1, column 168, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...is of which the claim can be supported. However the lecture opposes the claim. First...
^^^^^^^
Discourse Markers used:
['actually', 'but', 'first', 'hence', 'however', 'look', 'second', 'so', 'while', 'in fact', 'in other words']
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance in Part of Speech:
Nouns: 0.267716535433 0.261695866417 102% => OK
Verbs: 0.165354330709 0.158904122519 104% => OK
Adjectives: 0.0511811023622 0.0723426182421 71% => OK
Adverbs: 0.0354330708661 0.0435111971325 81% => OK
Pronouns: 0.011811023622 0.0277247811725 43% => OK
Prepositions: 0.137795275591 0.128828473217 107% => OK
Participles: 0.0393700787402 0.0370669169778 106% => OK
Conjunctions: 2.35111089 2.5805825403 91% => OK
Infinitives: 0.00787401574803 0.0208969081088 38% => Some infinitives wanted.
Particles: 0.00393700787402 0.00154638098197 255% => OK
Determiners: 0.145669291339 0.128158765124 114% => OK
Modal_auxiliary: 0.011811023622 0.0158828679856 74% => OK
WH_determiners: 0.0236220472441 0.0114777025283 206% => OK
Vocabulary words and sentences:
No of characters: 1327.0 1645.83664459 81% => OK
No of words: 224.0 271.125827815 83% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.92410714286 6.08160592843 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 3.86867284054 4.04852973271 96% => OK
words length more than 5 chars: 0.379464285714 0.374372842146 101% => OK
words length more than 6 chars: 0.276785714286 0.287516216867 96% => OK
words length more than 7 chars: 0.15625 0.187439937562 83% => OK
words length more than 8 chars: 0.0892857142857 0.113142543107 79% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.35111089 2.5805825403 91% => OK
Unique words: 128.0 145.348785872 88% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.571428571429 0.539623497131 106% => OK
Word variations: 54.9936303886 53.8517498576 102% => OK
How many sentences: 14.0 13.0529801325 107% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 21.7502111507 74% => OK
Sentence length SD: 44.8339908406 49.3711431718 91% => OK
Chars per sentence: 94.7857142857 132.220823453 72% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.0 21.7502111507 74% => OK
Discourse Markers: 0.785714285714 0.878197800319 89% => OK
Paragraphs: 3.0 4.09492273731 73% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 3.39072847682 59% => OK
Readability: 43.6785714286 50.5018328374 86% => OK
Elegance: 2.09259259259 1.90840788429 110% => OK
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0336130293522 0.549887131256 6% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence sentence coherence: 0.096307528397 0.142949733639 67% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence SD: 0.0691200002784 0.0787303798458 88% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence: 0.530460230353 0.631733273073 84% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence SD: 0.161981640953 0.139662658121 116% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0217360049432 0.266732575781 8% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0358883696591 0.103435571967 35% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence: 0.423412200953 0.414875509568 102% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence SD: 0.0277756766337 0.0530846634433 52% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0262959943748 0.40443939384 7% => The content is off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0211489214061 0.0528353158467 40% => The ideas may be duplicated in paragraphs.
Task Achievement:
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 4.33554083885 185% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 4.45695364238 45% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 4.0 4.26048565121 94% => OK
Positive topic words: 4.0 3.49668874172 114% => OK
Negative topic words: 2.0 3.62251655629 55% => OK
Neutral topic words: 4.0 3.1766004415 126% => OK
Total topic words: 10.0 10.2958057395 97% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
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Not in a correct format.
The correct pattern:
para 1: introduction
para 2: doubt 1
para 3: doubt 2
para 4: doubt 3
Less contents wanted from the reading passages(25%) but more content wanted from the lecture (75%).
Don't need a conclusion paragraph.
Read sample essays from ETS:
http://www.testbig.com/users/toeflwritingmaster
Rates: 80.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 24.0 Out of 30
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Note: This is not the final score. The e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.